Post-Divorce – Become Friends With Your Ex

If you are going through the start of a divorce right now, you are probably wondering, “What is this woman thinking!?”  Divorce is painful, hurtful, and while you are going through it, you vow to never speak nicely to your ex again.

But, I promise, in most situations, it does get better.  (NOTE:  This is coming from a person who went through the mother of all divorces, no lie).

I have posted before about how rough my divorce was.  We hated each other.  We didn’t even like each other before the divorce, let alone during and for a short-time after.  But, after almost 4 years and a lot of letting things go, I have learned to be a better person.  Not only for the sake of nerves and stomach ulcers, but for the sake of my beautiful daughter.

If I spend the rest of my daughters childhood hating her Dad, what is that going to teach her?  If I speak poorly of him in front of her, how is that going to make her feel?  Instead, I grew up.  I did a lot of growing.  I find the good.  Do he and I always agree, HECK NO!  We still bicker and get on each other’s nerves, but we can try to work things out for her sake. 

No child needs to grow up in a home where a lot of fighting happens.  Divorced children do not need to grow up in homes where constant parental bashing happens.  Let them grow up in peace. 

Don’t let your child feel jaded before they even start their lives!

Last night, my daughter and I made a diaper cake for her Dad and his fiance’s baby shower.  She is going to feel so proud walking into that shower with something she made for her new baby brother.  I don’t even want to imagine me trying to pull her away from the situation.  My other two children, ages 2 and 3, even helped roll up some of the diapers.  My daughter is and was so excited.  Just because her new sibling isn’t any relation to me, it’s her brother.  I am so excited and happy for her.  And she knows that.

Maybe they didn’t do that for me when I had my two children after the divorce, but it’s ok.  I feel great about myself and I feel great about the example I set. 

Never follow the lead of anybody else.  Make your own path.  In all aspects of life, even divorce. 

Children watch us.  They learn from us.  Never forget that!

“Let your past make you better, not bitter.”  ~ Unknown

xoxo,

Stacy

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Anonymous
    Jan 06, 2012 @ 11:27:15

    What an AWESOME person you have become, I can say that I am very PROUD of you…Love you Stacy
    Cindy xo

    Reply

  2. S A Shaw
    Jan 06, 2012 @ 15:34:41

    I just love you.

    Reply

  3. Tracy
    Jan 06, 2012 @ 15:54:19

    My divorce was long, drama filled & terrible. My son was a teen, and had a lot of emotional baggage from it. My ex was bi-polar, wish he could have found that out while we were married. He continued to cause problems even after I remarried. We tried the ‘get along for our son’ thing, but the ex continued to spread his problems to everyone who was around him, like a disease. Unfortunately, my ex passed away at a young age. Even after he passed away, I continued to hold onto that past hurt. Finally, I realized I was only hurting myself & let it go. I have not forgotten all he put me & my son thru, but now I understand it was a sickness he had. I hope he has the peace in death that he never found in life. I really envy the friendly relationships some divorced couples are able to maintain. It would have been so beneficial to my son had we been able to do that.
    You are a great person, Stacy, to be able to put the past behind you for you kids. Good for you !!

    Reply

  4. mcqty
    Jan 06, 2012 @ 18:43:10

    Kudos to you for being an awesome MOM, and a great influence on your daughter. I like that ending quote you have… very powerful !

    Reply

  5. Writing Jobs
    Jan 06, 2012 @ 23:38:57

    Great post. I enjoyed reading your blog today.

    If you love to write we would love for you to join us!

    Writer Jobs

    Reply

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