Forgive.


Colossians 3:12-14

Therefore, As God’s chosen people, Holy and dearly loved,

Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

I was adopted at only a day old. As the story goes, my birth mother and my mom who raised me knew each other as kids. One day, my mom went for a walk, running into my birth mother. My birth mom was clearly pregnant and had two other little ones with her. They began talking and my birth mother asked my mom to adopt me. She couldn’t take care of me. So, my parents started the adoption process.

I knew my entire life that I was adopted. My parents told me the stories about how excited they were to have me. They took me home from the hospital. Mom, Dad, my brother and sister put a few names in a hat and that’s how they decided on Stacy. I heard these stories over and over again growing up. But, the only thing missing was, who is my birth mom and why did she not want me? For legal reasons, my parents told me that they could not tell me anything until I was at least 20. So, I spent many years wondering.  

I can’t really explain the years of never feeling as though I fit in anywhere. There was something different about me, as compared to my siblings. I felt like no matter where I went, I stuck out. From a child to my adult years, I never felt as though I deserved to be in the presence of anybody else. I was so angry at my birth mother. Maybe if she had kept me, I would have felt as though I belonged. Words cannot begin to describe how grateful I was and still am to my parents. It wasn’t them at all. It was just that missing puzzle piece. I could never forgive her for giving me up.

I was able to meet my birth mother briefly when I was 19. It was awkward and uncomfortable. I was angry. I didn’t understand. I was young. I didn’t truly know God.

Fast forward 33 years later, I found myself and my family here at a church. For the first time in my life, I picked up the Bible. I never understood forgiveness and what Jesus did for us until I started learning about it here. I never thought I could forgive my birth mother, until I started coming here.  

It’s been about 5 months since I reached out to my birth mom again. We’ve reconnected. I let go of any bitter feelings I had held onto over the years. I’m learning that we share many similarities in our personalities. I’ve learned that I am loved and always have been. My children are getting to know her now. It’s been one of the greatest things that could have happened to me.

Not only has forgiveness allowed me to let go of hurt and pain, it’s allowed me to show my children the power that forgiveness has. I realized that it wasn’t only my birth mom I was punishing by being so angry, I was punishing myself. You finally realize how much not forgiving somebody holds you back from life. When you decide to let it all go and give it all to the Lord, you free yourself. For the first time in my life, I actually feel like I’m alive and I am starting to feel like I belong.  

Xoxo,

Stacy 🙂 
 

 

 

 

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