Forgive.


Colossians 3:12-14

Therefore, As God’s chosen people, Holy and dearly loved,

Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

I was adopted at only a day old. As the story goes, my birth mother and my mom who raised me knew each other as kids. One day, my mom went for a walk, running into my birth mother. My birth mom was clearly pregnant and had two other little ones with her. They began talking and my birth mother asked my mom to adopt me. She couldn’t take care of me. So, my parents started the adoption process.

I knew my entire life that I was adopted. My parents told me the stories about how excited they were to have me. They took me home from the hospital. Mom, Dad, my brother and sister put a few names in a hat and that’s how they decided on Stacy. I heard these stories over and over again growing up. But, the only thing missing was, who is my birth mom and why did she not want me? For legal reasons, my parents told me that they could not tell me anything until I was at least 20. So, I spent many years wondering.  

I can’t really explain the years of never feeling as though I fit in anywhere. There was something different about me, as compared to my siblings. I felt like no matter where I went, I stuck out. From a child to my adult years, I never felt as though I deserved to be in the presence of anybody else. I was so angry at my birth mother. Maybe if she had kept me, I would have felt as though I belonged. Words cannot begin to describe how grateful I was and still am to my parents. It wasn’t them at all. It was just that missing puzzle piece. I could never forgive her for giving me up.

I was able to meet my birth mother briefly when I was 19. It was awkward and uncomfortable. I was angry. I didn’t understand. I was young. I didn’t truly know God.

Fast forward 33 years later, I found myself and my family here at a church. For the first time in my life, I picked up the Bible. I never understood forgiveness and what Jesus did for us until I started learning about it here. I never thought I could forgive my birth mother, until I started coming here.  

It’s been about 5 months since I reached out to my birth mom again. We’ve reconnected. I let go of any bitter feelings I had held onto over the years. I’m learning that we share many similarities in our personalities. I’ve learned that I am loved and always have been. My children are getting to know her now. It’s been one of the greatest things that could have happened to me.

Not only has forgiveness allowed me to let go of hurt and pain, it’s allowed me to show my children the power that forgiveness has. I realized that it wasn’t only my birth mom I was punishing by being so angry, I was punishing myself. You finally realize how much not forgiving somebody holds you back from life. When you decide to let it all go and give it all to the Lord, you free yourself. For the first time in my life, I actually feel like I’m alive and I am starting to feel like I belong.  

Xoxo,

Stacy 🙂 
 

 

 

 

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Debbie Downer Come Down From Your Pedestal.

Debbie Downer sits up high on her pedestal.  She can see above everyone.  She can see every mistake you make.  Anything you do is a mistake in her eyes.  Anything you dream is wrong.  Anything you hope for will never happen.  She knows everything, she does everything better than you can do.  She knows you will never go anywhere.  

She knows she is so much better than you.

If you have a child out-of-wedlock, you are automatically a loser.  If you didn’t go to college, you’re even more of a loser.  If you work beside her, you don’t do half as much work as she does.  If you are her neighbor, your life is dysfunctional.  If you are her friend, her opinions are the only ones that matters.  If you are her children, if you don’t do things her way, you will go nowhere in life. 

Wait, there’s more.

If you give up a child for adoption, you are a loser with no values.  If you are adopted, you aren’t a “real” member of your family.  If you file bankruptcy, you are cheap and could have paid your bills. If you collect from the State, you are a moron with no real ailment.  If you have State Insurance, it’s unfair that she has to pay for your bills.  If you’re wealthy, you probably had everything handed to you.  If your marriage fails, you have no class.  If you don’t bring in a lot of money, you must be on welfare.  Another loser.

Debbie Downer can make you feel like you are only an inch tall.  She talks and talks and talks until your heart starts to hurt.  You see, Debbie Downer does not care who she hurts with her words.  She doesn’t think before she speaks.  She has such a narrow mind, any idea that you throw out there is intercepted by her negative thoughts.  She cannot open her mind.  By not having an open mind, Debbie Downer is a very miserable person.

I feel sorry for her.

Debbie Downer could never have a heart filled with love.  She could never wish somebody luck without thinking something negative right in her next breath.  She really needs to realize that everyone around her does not look up to Debbie Downer. 

They look away from her.

It’s hard to talk to somebody who only believes in their opinions. 

 Why would your children come to you and talk about great news if you are only going to point out the bad?  They just want to be loved.

People who want their children to have a better life give them up for adoption.  That’s love.

People who are adopted grow up with their family.  That’s it.  Just their family.  Not their real or fake family.  Family is love.

Friends who may have job opportunities don’t want somebody to tell them all the reasons they won’t be hired.  They want to know all the qualities you love about them.  They want to know why they WILL be hired. 

Debbie Downer, please come back down from that pedestal.  Come back to reality.  Maybe after you accept us all for who we are, even if you don’t believe in our thoughts and opinions, maybe you will find some more positivity and love in your heart.

Who wouldn’t want to feel more love?  The only thing negativity does is bring you down and it brings down everybody around you.

Debbie Downer, love and be loved back.  You’ll love, love.  I promise.

xoxo,

Stacy

 

A Mother’s Job Lasts Longer Than 18 Years

When I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I was nervous, but insanely thrilled.  I was going to be a Mommy.  I was young, 21, but I was so excited.  I knew that from this point on, I was always going to be a Mommy.  That’s a lot to take in, but I was up for the challenge.

Not everyone feels this way though.  I have heard over and over, from many people, that once their babies are 18, they are on their own.  Of course, I will push for my children to be independent.  I’ll try my best to lead them in the right direction and to make the right choices.  I’ll hope they choose college and then from there, go on to incredible lives, careers and families.

But, if they fall, I’ll still be their Mommy.

When you have children, you don’t just have them 0-18.  You have them for life.  If they need help, you need to be there for them.  Tough love at times, of course.  But, if they need you, it should be your responsibility to help them get back on their feet. 

Having a baby is a vow.  It’s a vow to be there forever.  If they can’t move out right away after school, give them some room to become established.  Teach them about life. 

Don’t be a selfish parent. 

Situations happen and things can get difficult.  My children are young, but I do have friends that have had some difficult times with their older children.  I hope and pray that doesn’t happen, but if it does I will pray for strength.  I want to be there for my children forever.  Not just temporary.

Of course, I can understand when parents are excited to retire and see the world.  Excited to experience the empty next and they should be!  But, at the same time, don’t forget about your babies.

I was on my own and married at 19-20.  I was that child that fell.  I was divorced with a child by 25.  I had no place to go.   Well, no place, but home.  My parents were there.  They have always been there.  They devoted their lives to myself and my brother and sister.  I thank the lord every night that they were not selfish parents.  They watch my children every day while my Fiance and I work.  I don’t say it enough, but I am incredibly grateful.

My Grandmother is almost 87.  She talks to my Mom everyday.  She’s always there for her.  Maybe that’s where my parents get it from?  Regardless, I am so happy I was nurtured and taught to nurture my own children.  I hope that my children will see me there for them forever, just like I see my parents are for me.  Hopefully they will pass that love on to their own children.

“A  mother’s work is never done.”

  ~Author Unknown

xoxo,

Stacy

Yes, I Am Adopted – And Yes, They Are My “Real” Family!

I’ve known as long as I can possibly remember that I was adopted. My parents were always extremely open about it. I never knew who my birth parents were as a child, but the adoption thing was announced. I cannot tell you how many times in my life I have been asked about “my real family.” My answer is always the same, “They ARE my real family. Do you mean my biological family?”

I know many are not aware of how that phrase sounds to somebody that has been adopted or somebody that has adopted a child. They mean biological, but when the word “real” is used, it just sounds so terrible to me. My parents are in fact MY parents. My siblings are in fact MY siblings. Same with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. They are all very REAL to me.

I was adopted at one day old. My mother always wanted to adopt a baby and my father was on board with anything she was passionate about. My brother and sister are 10 and 12 years older than I am. A new baby to them was a new adventure. My grandparents welcomed me with open arms, as did everyone else in the family. I never felt out-of-place growing up.

I always loved talking about it to people too. At that time, I had no idea who my biological family was. The meeting of them will be a whole new blog post on a different day. Everybody I speak to about it always has so many questions. I am completely fine and ok answering them, but the word “real” gets to me. I know it’s curiosity, but I always feel defensive. My weapon is used by answering with my sharp tongue.

“Have you met your real parents?”

Yes, actually they raised me and I have known them 28 years.

“Do you have any real brothers and sisters?”

As opposed to imaginary? I’m pretty sure mine aren’t fake.

I felt like I was an adopted dog from a shelter.

Where was she bred?

What breeds are her parents?

How many in the litter?

If not for my REAL parents, I don’t know where I would be. I am forever grateful to them for giving me the life I had. I am even grateful to them for the life I have now. I don’t know where I would be or what I would have become had they not adopted me. I am also extremely grateful to my biological mother for choosing life. That story though is an entirely different subject, on an entirely different day.

Someday, I hope my fiance and I will be able to adopt a little baby. It won’t be until our children are grown up, but it’s something I would really love to do. It doesn’t matter who carried the baby for 9 months. Your REAL parents are the ones who raise you, give you a shoulder when you cry, nurture you, console you, shelter you, and are always there for you. Your REAL parents are the two people you call “Mom and Dad.”

That’s what the word “real” means to me.

And one last thing, don’t hesitate asking me any questions at all. Just refrain from the word, “real.” 😉

xoxo,

Stacy