Post-Divorce – Become Friends With Your Ex

If you are going through the start of a divorce right now, you are probably wondering, “What is this woman thinking!?”  Divorce is painful, hurtful, and while you are going through it, you vow to never speak nicely to your ex again.

But, I promise, in most situations, it does get better.  (NOTE:  This is coming from a person who went through the mother of all divorces, no lie).

I have posted before about how rough my divorce was.  We hated each other.  We didn’t even like each other before the divorce, let alone during and for a short-time after.  But, after almost 4 years and a lot of letting things go, I have learned to be a better person.  Not only for the sake of nerves and stomach ulcers, but for the sake of my beautiful daughter.

If I spend the rest of my daughters childhood hating her Dad, what is that going to teach her?  If I speak poorly of him in front of her, how is that going to make her feel?  Instead, I grew up.  I did a lot of growing.  I find the good.  Do he and I always agree, HECK NO!  We still bicker and get on each other’s nerves, but we can try to work things out for her sake. 

No child needs to grow up in a home where a lot of fighting happens.  Divorced children do not need to grow up in homes where constant parental bashing happens.  Let them grow up in peace. 

Don’t let your child feel jaded before they even start their lives!

Last night, my daughter and I made a diaper cake for her Dad and his fiance’s baby shower.  She is going to feel so proud walking into that shower with something she made for her new baby brother.  I don’t even want to imagine me trying to pull her away from the situation.  My other two children, ages 2 and 3, even helped roll up some of the diapers.  My daughter is and was so excited.  Just because her new sibling isn’t any relation to me, it’s her brother.  I am so excited and happy for her.  And she knows that.

Maybe they didn’t do that for me when I had my two children after the divorce, but it’s ok.  I feel great about myself and I feel great about the example I set. 

Never follow the lead of anybody else.  Make your own path.  In all aspects of life, even divorce. 

Children watch us.  They learn from us.  Never forget that!

“Let your past make you better, not bitter.”  ~ Unknown

xoxo,

Stacy

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The Organizing Domino Effect

Wait.. Which way was I going again?

I am not one for resolutions to start off a new year, but I will say this:  I need to get organized and I need to get organized bad!

I have a problem though.  I will start off doing great, organizing all my kiddos photos and then I will see a toy that’s not where it should be.  So, I will return the toy to the correct child’s room.  Oh o, dirty laundry still on the floor.  I’ll pick up the laundry, check everyone else’s rooms for laundry and start a load to be washed.  Oh shoot, silly cat needs to be fed.  I feed the cat and notice somebody didn’t do their chore of cleaning the little guys cat box today.  I will do that and then bag up trash.  Oh my goodness, look at those dishes!  I’ll let some soak, get a few done.  “Momma, I’m hungry!”  Ok, I’ll get the kiddos a snack and then will sit on the couch for a minute.

Wait, what was I doing to begin with?

No matter how hard I try to concentrate on just doing one thing, I get so easily distracted.  I start off so strong with one project and then start another and another and another.  Every time I try, I cannot get it all done!

It’s like an organizing domino effect!

Not to mention, the only time I really have to do these things is from about 6pm after work until bedtime.  The weekends are somewhat useful, but who wants to clean on a day off?  I would rather be building a snow man with the kids!  And I have to go to basketball games, dance, etc.

Momma needs to concentrate.  And find a way to add another 48 hours to the week.  In my dreams I have a magic wand.  Aren’t all dreams supposed to come true?

Any pointers to cure my attention span would be fabulous.  As for now, I will continue to run around in circles, organizing 1/2 of a project at a time.  😉 

xoxo,

Stacy

Where Can I Buy Some Christmas Elves?

So much to do! So little time left! I finished all of my shopping in November. Well, most of my shopping. Now, it’s time to wrap.

And wrap…

And wrap…

But, when?

I work 40 hours a week, like most people. I pick up the kids, fix dinner, and give baths. We also have basketball, dance, games and school functions. When they go to bed, I am close to being ready for bed.

So, where can I find me some Christmas Elves?

Wouldn’t that be great?!

They could magically wrap and tag everything. Maybe they could even do some last minute shopping for me?

They could bake all kinds of goodies and have them all boxed and jarred for Christmas.

All of this would be done while I work and do household chores. The tree would get decorated and Christmas music would play as we opened the door each night.

Ok. Enough day dreaming.

Santa will never give out a Christmas elf, so time to deal with it.

If anybody runs into me the week before Christmas, you don’t have to inform me on how I look. My eyes will be bloodshot with a hint of dark circles.
I’ll probably snap if you ask if I slept the night before. Carpal-tunnel will set in from the tape, scissors and wrap motion. Paper cuts will take over my hands. Hair won’t be done, and clothes probably won’t match.

But, all of the 30 people I wrap for will get neat, pretty package to open on Christmas day. And it will all be over in 39 seconds.

But, it will all get done. And, I may even try to smile in the process. Pft, who needs an elf? Not a super parent!

If you see me passed out on the couch on Christmas Day, let me sleep. Maybe Santa can bring me a “Do Not Disturb” sign to hang on me somewhere! Or a blanket with those words! That’d be perfect!

Maybe I don’t need an elf after all. Just a 5-hour energy drink and a nap on Christmas Day. And maybe one the next few days after. 😉

Xoxo,

Stacy

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“Merry Christmas Fatty!” (Learn What Not to Say Before Going Out In Public).

 

When I was 14 years old I had an eating disorder.  Somebody had called me fat and I decided I needed to be super skinny like some of my friends.  I got down to less than 100 lbs.  Let me tell you why I will never do this to myself again.  And let me tell you why you shouldn’t either.

I was born with curves.  I have had a big booty since I was a child.  It’s me.  It’s who I am.  It must be genetic.  For a long time I hated my curves.  I thought skinny was the way everybody should look.  Society taught me that skinny was beautiful.  Guys only liked the skinny girls.  You couldn’t be beautiful unless you were a size 2, etc.  It was so unhealthy to have felt these things.  But, as a young adult, you can’t help it. 

As a grown woman, I think society can kiss my voluptuous arse.

Today, one of our outspoken, obnoxious clients said to me, “You can’t be the same girl, my God you have gotten FAT!”  A) Who says this?  B) This is why you are old and still single, and C) Learn the Golden Rule:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

That little rule is the reason I never speak to this client.  My Mother taught me young and for that I am thankful.  She also taught me to love myself no matter what I look like.  I didn’t a long time ago, but I do now.  I’m teaching my children to do the same.

I cried for a bit after he left.  It was already a bad day, but when somebody calls you the “F” word, it hurts.  I know it’s said behind my back, but when you hear it, it hurts.  Words hurt.  Sticks and stones can break my bones, but I think words can hurt a lot worse. 

I was sad, but I will not let him get to me.  I will never starve myself again, instead, I embrace myself.  Yes, I have gained two sizes since my last child.  But, I had a child.  I have 3 beautiful children.  If I could choose to go back in time, keep my skinny girl figure and never have children, I wouldn’t.  I couldn’t.  They are my world and they are worth every lump, bump, flesh, scar and chub on my body.

Curvy, fat, thick, wide, call me what you want.  I love myself.  I know who I am on the inside.  I’m a loving, caring, devoted mother of 3 who is in love with my amazing Fiance & children who love ME for ME.  Not for what I gain or lose.  That’s all that matters. 

No matter what you go through, no matter whose negative words you hear, no matter how bad the bullies get, you choose to love yourself.  Words hurt, but you have the ability to control how you feel.  Own who you are.  Gay, straight, skinny, fat, glasses, freckles, etc.  Do not let a bully control your life.  It gets better.  You learn from past mistakes.  Some day the bully may grow up.  Then again, they may never grow up (like the 70 year old man that said that to me today).  But, you have the ability to own who you are and make everyone else in the world see how important and incredibly amazing you are. 

No matter what flaws they find in you, own them all.  Own it.  Love it.  Embrace it.  And once you do that, everyone will desire it.

xoxo,

Stacy

 

All This Mommy Wants For Christmas

Christmas Night 2010 🙂

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is one day or even just one morning of peace and quiet.  I love my children.  I love their crazy little ways.  But, out of 365 days in a year, I am just asking for one day, at home with silence.  Golden, beautiful silence.

Santa, This is my Christmas list.

No screaming, no diapers, no climbing into the tub fully clothed.

No getting into mommy’s make up, no hiding sippy cups in the cat box.

No Fireman Sam episodes twenty-five times in a row.

No throwing cereal at each other, no “mommy, I forgot my homework” calls from school.

No yelling into the bathroom, just in time to see mommy poke herself in the eye with mascara.

No hitting mommy’s arm to tattle, causing mommy to butcher her bangs.

No running down 3 flights of stairs just to forget a backpack, a hat or even a shoe. 

No putting hair clips on the cat’s tail.

No hiding mommy’s hairbrush or cell phone.

No waking up with Pop Tarts stuck in the kid’s hair.

I’m really not asking for much Santa.  Knowing me, I will probably miss all of these things if I do get this wish.  I love my morning with my kiddos.  They are always exciting and entertaining. 

But, can we just try it out?  Just once?

Just one day for me to feel pretty.  Perfect curls, a little bit of makeup, un-stained clothing.  That’s all.

Thank you Santa.  I’ll be sure to leave out some milk and cookies.  I can’t promise they will all be there when you arrive.  Mommy’s get hungry too. 🙂

xoxo,

Stacy

The Misery Trap

Sometimes you find yourself surrounded by negativity.  Constant negativity – Constant misery.  You try so hard to fight through this, using your positivity as your shield.  Then, suddenly:

BAM!

You’ve been captured by the misery trap.

Misery hunters often act in the same way as animal hunters, although animal hunters usually hunt as a fun hobby.  Not misery hunters.  They lay out their bait to try to capture their prey.  They feed off of your misery.  This is not for fun.  This is only because misery loves company.

No matter what you do, misery hunters always have something negative to say.  It could be the happiest day of the year, but they would find something to complain about.  You could offer to do things for them, but they would find reasons to complain about what you did.  You don’t do anything right.  They have to do everything because that is the only way it will get done correctly!  It’s a lose-lose situation folks!

YOU

JUST

CAN’T

WIN.

You can’t fight with a martyr.

It’s hard not getting stuck in this misery.  It acts just like quicksand.  You can conquer it though.  Trust me.  It can be done.  When they start going on the misery rampage, block your ears (not literally, but you know what I mean.  Block your ears and then smile and nod. 

Smile and nod.

That’s it.  When they see that they are not getting to you, it’s going to do 1 of 2 things. 

1) It will irritate them and make them even more miserable.  You will hear the mutter and grumbling even louder than before.  They aren’t getting to you and it is going to drive them crazy.

OR

2) They may catch your positivity.  Even if it’s for a split second, your burst of positivity may act like a net being thrown over that misery.  

Either way, just let it roll.   Let it roll right off your shoulders.  Try and fight back as hard as you can.  Don’t sink to their level and fight in a negative manner.  Fight ’em with your positivity.

Smile and nod.

xoxo,

Stacy

 

Stretch Pants & Tums – I Love Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving. 

A time to be thankful for everything we have in life.   A time for friends and families to get together.  Memories are made and traditions are started. 

Thanksgiving.

A time where you force yourself to eat until you cannot move off of the couch. 

On Thanksgiving in our family, we know better than to wear our fitted jeans.  We don’t break out the Spanx and tight dresses.  No way.  Instead, it’s a time for stretch pants.

Lucky for us, stretch pants don’t look like they used to back in the day.  We don’t have to rely on sweatpants or “M.C. Hammer pants” anymore.  Now we have the more festive stretch pants.  We can pair a nice holiday, loose fitted sweater with leggings.  Or we can buy into the new “Pajama Jeans” fad.  Nobody will ever know the difference. 

Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce and pie.  Bring it all on. 

I have been eating soup for 3 weeks preparing for this day. 

 I won’t be wearing a belt.  Spanx are put away.  Stretch pants are going to be my friend.  I’m not even going to feel guilty. 

That is until Thursday night when I am in a turkey coma. 

But, I will be preparing to be out for 12 hours on Black Friday.  I will be fighting off other shoppers and running from one end of the store to another.  On Black Friday I will burn all of my Thanksgiving calories.  I’ll change back into normal clothing.  I’ll start eating my soup and Special K.

I love Thanksgiving. (And Pajama Jeans too.) 😉

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

xoxo,

Stacy

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