My Happy New Year

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I’m a no resolution kind of girl.  I don’t normally like to be caught up in the hoopla of the New Year.  Personally, I have never even been a big fan of New Year’s Eve.  I never understood the big deal.  You can start over any time during the year, why make a big deal on 1/1?

This year, I feel different.  I don’t really know why, I just want to make a resolution.  I don’t want to start it off on a negative foot by already complaining about the resolution fads.  I want to do 2016 right.  By doing 2016 right, I still mean in my living room, with my kids, in my pj’s.  That part of it will never be wrong.

Resolutions though, here are my thoughts:

1.)  I will no longer focus on any person in my life that does not make the same effort for me as I do for them.   I just don’t want to care about it anymore.  Because in reality, I have everyone I need.  My kids, my husband.  A few friends, some family.   And if there is anybody that I have walked away from, it’s for a reason.  I never wake up in the morning and decide to walk away from people that have always been in my life.  Things build up.  When I finally have enough, I have enough.   I don’t.  NO.  I won’t feel bad about it anymore.  Even if they try and reverse it all back on me.  In my heart, I know the truth.  I don’t need to yell it to the world.  I just know and you know what?  I’m at peace with it all.

2.)  Write.  Write, write, write!  I have lost my ability to focus on my dreams.  If I don’t dive in now, when will I?  Do I want to become someone that sits at a desk for the rest of her life, wishing she could go back in time and try again?  Nope.  I really don’t.  I have dreams.  I have goals.  I’m going for them.

3.)  Organize.  I’m done procrastinating, it’s time to finish painting the rooms in the house.  It’s time to finish the basement.  I don’t need old clothes.  I’ve got this, sleeves are up and I’m diving in.

4.)  Love with all my heart.  There will be people that can’t accept love.  They aren’t happy with themselves, so they will push you away.  I’m going to keep pushing back because I have been that person.  Even if the world is bitter, I’m still going to shine through with love.

5.)  Exercise.  The most cliché of them all, right?!  Honestly though, I feel so much better with exercise.  But, I’m not focused on weight.  I feel that all too often there is an unhealthy obsession with needing to be thin.  People become so fixated on themselves, that’s all they begin to see in others.  It eats at you, it makes you miserable.  Find the balance.  Exercise, but don’t obsess.  Be healthy.

6.)  Teach.  I’m going to teach my children everything I can next year.  Whether it be simple or complex, they will always have my most undivided attention.  Even when they are older, I vow to make sure they know that they are always to come first in my life, before anyone or anything else.  They are always going to know how loved they are.

And finally, 7.)  Live.  That one is self-explanatory.  However, we get so caught up with the hustle and bustle of the day to day life, we forget to live.  I’m done trying to get to Friday on Monday.  I’m making the most out of every minute.  That’s why it’s so important to love your work life as much as you  love the life on the outside.

If you lost that spark, 2016 sounds like a good time to find it.

Happy New Year.

xoxo,

Stacy

 

 

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An Introvert with a Semi-Colon Tattoo.

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My husband and my semi-colon tattoos. He’s my rock and my reason.

I couldn’t breathe.  I couldn’t move.  I couldn’t talk to ask for help.  All I could feel was the sensation that my air supply had been cut off.  I didn’t know what was happening.  I thought this was the end.

I was only 13.

I couldn’t eat in the lunchroom, I hid in the bathroom until the bell rang.  How on earth could I walk up to a table and ask if I could sit with any of these kids?  Why would they want to sit with me?

20 years later.

When I go to the store, I’m the one on a mission just trying not to make eye contact.  It’s not that I don’t want to be courteous, it’s just that I don’t feel good enough compared to anybody else.  Crowds make me incredibly nervous as well.

When I take my children to school or sports functions.  I don’t make small talk with the coaches or other parents.  I don’t know how to start the conversation.  I feel silly or embarrassed if I even try to fit in.  I’ll just sit back and observe until I get to know you better.  Once I do, we’ll be chatting at the field all the time.

If we are friends, you won’t get phone calls very often from me.  It’s not that I don’t love you.  It’s just that I hate the phone and would rather be at the dentist for two hours.  I’ll text you 24/7 though.  I write much better than I speak.

If I say no to plans, please don’t take it personally.  People drain me.  Absolutely drain me.  The only ones that I can be around all day every day are my kids and husband.  It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be friends or that I don’t want to hang out, because I do.  I don’t like that I am like this.  But, I am.  And if you have been my friend for years, you know this about me.  And I appreciate the fact that you stand by me more than you’ll ever know.  Please don’t stop trying to make plans with me.

I want to be social.  I want tons and tons of friends.  I just have a hard time starting the conversations.  It’s rare for me to find friends that get me.  But, when they do, we are friends for life.  I’ll be there for them for always.

My children and husband are my absolute world.  I may be anxious, I may be an introvert, but you will see a whole other side of me if you mess with any of them.  They make me dealing with all of this so easy.  I owe them the universe.

In large crowds, I will be looking for the nearest animal to pet.  I want to socialize and be like the rest of you, but on the inside I’m trying not to go into panic mode.  Any crowd I go into, I feel like I don’t belong.  I never feel good enough.  The only time I find enough confidence to deal with the world is when it’s for my children or for work.

At work I try to hide being an introvert.  I try to hide my anxiety.  You have to be a faux extrovert to work in customer service.   I’ve learned to be pretty good at it too.  Most people are surprised when they hear that I am an introvert.  I take pride in that fact. I work very, very hard at my job.  When people complain or gossip about something I did, I probably take it more to heart than anyone else in the building.  I do that because of how much I care about what I do.  I’m really, really hard on myself.

You may call me weird, shy, anti-social, rude, selfish, odd, mad, depressed, a loner, people hater, hermit, nerd (ok that one may be true), but I promise you, I’m not really any of those things.  I’m a regular person who is just has a little more anxiety than the person next door.  I’m a little bit awkward because small talk is not my thing.  I’d rather be at home reading on a rainy Saturday with my family than at the mall or out at a bar.  But, I promise you that if you ever need somebody, it doesn’t matter the time of night, I’ll be there.  I’ll listen intently and will remember everything you say, judgment free.

So, if I am ever out and about and you feel the same way too, don’t be afraid to ask me about my semi-colon tattoo.

xoxo,

Stacy

Christmas Birthdays Are A Rip Off

I love this season.  Love the Christmas music, the shopping, the lights, I just love everything about this holiday.

There is one thing I hate about it though:

My birthday.

Nobody wants to go out on Christmas Eve or the day after Christmas to celebrate a birthday.  Everybody is ALWAYS busy.  And if they are not busy, I get re-gifted gifts, gifts wrapped in Christmas paper and/or a gift that they saved from Christmas.

It’s a rip off.

I’m older now, so it doesn’t bother me as much anymore.  I don’t even want a gift, but it would be nice to be able to go out and celebrate it once in a while.

As I look back, I must have gotten totally ripped off as a kid.  I bet I would have gotten double the presents had my birthday fallen in the summer months.  My Mom & Dad  did a great job with my birthday though.   They always managed to get my close friends there.  They never wrapped presents from them in wrapping paper, and I really don’t think they gave me a left over Christmas present.  They did good.

But, still Christmas Birthdays are a rip off.

I haven’t even mentioned the fact that you just blink and the whole season is gone.  Christmas flies by and my birthday goes with it!  Most others can look forward to a fun party in a different month, but nope, not me.

Until now.

I’ve decided I am changing my birthday.  That’s right folks, I am now going to celebrate my HALF birthday in the summer time!  No Christmas paper will be there on a hot day, that I can guarantee!

I’ve got it all figured out!

Unless, of course , somebody decides that my birthday theme should be Christmas in July.  😉

xoxo,

Stacy

Stay Positive

Stay Positive

Words to remember! Courtesy of Pinterest.   Follow me there, my boards are under momand3kiddos.  🙂 Happy Monday!

xoxo,

Stacy

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Body Type: Needs Improvement

11 years in between photos. Different physique, same heart.

Fat, thick, curvy, chunky, plump, husky, chubby, beefy, cushy, hefty, heavyset, thick-set, whale-like, pot-bellied, over-sized, roly-poly, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah-blah.

In the past decade, my body has changed dramatically. I went from being 19 and fit to 20 and pregnant. At 21, I had my first beautiful baby, a little girl. At 24, I went through a divorce, my weight dropped dramatically. Ages 25 and 26, I gave birth to two, adorable baby boys.

Between the pregnancies and stress, my body fluctuated in probably a very unhealthy way. From curvy to thin, back to thick, down to stickly again, now keeping steady at cushy, I know my body. I also know it may not be as stunning as it has been in the past. I am my biggest judge. What people like myself do not need are the over-critical, real-life judges we have in our every day world.

This is not the Biggest Loser. This is not American Idol. Leave your comments and your words at the door. Even if you think it, just don’t speak it. Unless of course you are Cindy Crawford or Giselle. Being that close to perfection, I could take a critique or two from them. But, if you are from my world, here in the real world. Just zip. Zip, zip, zip.

I am aware of how I look, but I know first hand that there is more to me than the appearance. I give more than I receive. I truly find the beauty in EVERYONE. And I mean everyone. To me, what makes you ugly or beautiful is your personality. If you can sit up on your pedestal, judging every Tom or Betty as they walk on by, on weight or appearance, you are atrocious. “You need to eat all that make up on your face so you are pretty on the inside.” – A random quote on Pinterest. 🙂

I come from a family where it is common to hear the phrases, “oh, she has put on weight!” Or, “wow, is she ever fat!” Hearing this be said about people my entire life, I am pretty intelligent. I know it is said about me. But, here is the thing: I don’t need those words said to realize it. Other people probably have the same eyes as you, the only difference is maybe that they don’t speak the words. Maybe they know me for my personality. Maybe, they know that I used to be teeny-tiny, but they realize that I have housed 3 babies in this belly. They know that I am a very hard worker for my family, I have a desk job and while I sit for 40 hours each week, I am busting my butt mentally.

Maybe, those people who don’t judge on appearance, maybe they see me for ME.

Now, here is a little tip for those that may be trying to be a real, day-to-day judge like Simon Cowell, STOP. Worry about you. See the beauty in everyone! Short, tall, thick, small, perfect complexion or not. Find the good.

We all have an inner light that can make us shine, don’t let your light go out. Find it and brighten somebody’s day! It will feel so much better than judging. Promise. 🙂

xoxo,

Stacy

The Little Things

I started planning my 4 year olds birthday party about a month or so ago. I had it in my head that he needed to have a “real” party. Real meaning I bake the big, fire engine cake, invite all of our family, play Pin-the-Tail on the Donkey, Make little fireman souvenirs etc, etc, etc. I had the perfect invitation all picked out, all I had to do was find the time to send them out.

Well, life got in the way. The invites turned into Facebook & E-mail E-Vites. No perfect little invitations to put in the mail.

I was so bummed.

My 4 year old’s perfect birthday party was starting to turn not so perfect. Several people didn’t RSVP. My little guy was surely going to be heartbroken. I thought I had let him down. But, then the day came.

We arrived at his Grammy’s house. He was already so excited. We blew up a few balloons. I set up his fire truck cake. I made it with the boxed stuff, not even by scratch. Surely, this will be bad. I put a few of his gifts in gift bags. Between my new job and all the hustling around, I didn’t have time to grab wrapping paper. Poor kid.

Then I heard uncontrollable laughter. It was my 4-year-old. He was so happy and excited, he just couldn’t stop laughing!

I took a step back and looked around. No, this wasn’t the picture perfect party that I pinned on Pinterest. But, it was still pretty darn cool. No, not all of our family members could RSVP or attend, but he was so happy with those who did. He took the toys out of the gift bags so fast. He didn’t even notice they weren’t totally wrapped.

He was just so darn happy!

That was when I realized, all of the picture perfect stuff I was worried about was about me. It was about my own pride. I was upset that not everyone could RSVP or join us. I was let down when I ran out of time to do the invitations, wrapping and made by scratch cake.

He didn’t care about that stuff at all. In fact, he didn’t even notice.

We all get so wrapped up in seeing what other Moms and Dads do for their kids, we forget about simplicity. Just letting him know how much he is loved by all of those around him every day means the world to him. He was thrilled with what I did for him, not for what I didn’t do.

It’s the little things that matter to kids. You don’t have to have a billboard on the side of the road to say, “Happy Birthday.” A little silly singing greeting card does the trick. Words and hugs do the trick. Being there every day does the trick. Yeah, all kids remember those great parties. But, they also notice the occasional trips to the park, brining them with you to the voting booth, letting them help you wash their car or their pet, bedtime stories and singing on the way to school each morning.

And even though it wasn’t baked by scratch, they remember helping you bake that fireman cake. And all the other things they help you make in the kitchen.

It’s the little things.

xoxo,

Stacy

No Price For Pride

I am going to say a few things that I am trying desperately to teach my children about the meaning of pride.  We have people that are close in our lives that seem to have the world handed to them on a silver platter.  It’s so easy to become jealous and envious of them, but there is a huge reason not to yearn for their free money or hand me downs.

Pride.

Without naming names, I can tell you that I know somebody who has the world handed to them.  Brand new vehicles, barely used from their parents.  A beautiful home, bought and given to them.  Money handed out left and right.  Even a trust fund to look forward to in the future.  The world is put into this person’s hands. 

However, by being given the moon for as long as they can remember, they lack appreciation and pride.  They have become so used to the hand outs, their hands are always out.  More, more, more, but more is never enough.  They are never satisfied with the new car.  A few months after the newness wears off, it’s time for something more.  They are no longer satisfied with their beautiful home, it’s time for a bigger one.  Why try to fix it up or make things work when all you have to do is wait for a new one to be handed out?

My children are going to learn to be the opposite of this personality type.  My Fiance and I work so hard for what we have.  We may not have the most beautiful of homes, but we worked for it and pay for it ourselves each month.  We may not have brand new cars, but we worked for the ones we do have.  We may not be rolling in the gold coins, but the little we do get is so very important to us.

Although, some days life would feel so much easier if I had the same hand outs that this person does.  No financial worries, no issues, just an easy, breezy life where I can spend an unlimited amount.  Who doesn’t dream about that?

  But, when I really get thinking about it, I would so much rather say to myself, “Hey, we did this on OUR OWN!  No help needed.  We did it.”

Pride.  You cannot buy it, but it is worth more than anything money can buy.

xoxo,

Stacy

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