Defeating the Bullies

bully n. , pl. , -lies . A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people.

I’ve been staring at the computer screen off and on for about an hour. I’m trying to find the words to describe what it feels like to be bullied, but I am having a hard time. You may laugh when I speak about being bullied since I am almost 30 years old. It happens though. Bullies come in all shapes, sizes, and ages. People that are all shapes, sizes and ages are bullied every day. It’s a fact of life, but something can be done to stop it.

If you are the bully, enough is enough! By throwing out hurtful words, you are killing somebody on the inside. I don’t know if it makes you feel powerful or smart? Maybe you feel better than everybody else and feel even better when you use your words as a weapon. Whatever the reason is, you need to stop. If you feel superior to anybody around you, that’s your first clue that you are not. Everybody has a flaw, but everybody has a strength too. If you take the time to prey on another person’s weakness, you are the one who is in fact the weak link in the puzzle.

I hear bullies every day. They talk and talk and talk about how terribly a friend or family member is living their life. They talk about how “stupid” these people are. They talk about how great they do things in their own life and nobody else around has a clue. All that stress and negative energy is actually tearing them apart. Of course, if you are the one being bullied, you are being torn apart too. But, turn that around into something good. They are giving you a gift.

Confused? Let me explain.

So, you are being bullied. Whether they are picking on your weight, your height, the way you do your job, whether or not you cook, pushing you around or whatever the reason, you can turn that energy into something great. They are making you so incredibly strong. You are handling more than the average person can handle. You are growing as a person. You are growing because you are going through something and you are overcoming it. After you have been bullied, are you going to want to run out and start belittling your co-worker? More than likely not. They are giving you a gift because you now know how it feels to be hurt. In turn, you will not hurt another person. You will go above and beyond trying to make others feel at home. It doesn’t matter where you are, you have learned what respect is. You have learned that you do not have to tolerate another person who does not respect you. And, you will show every person that enters your life what being respectful is all about.

So, this bully that has been belittling and over-powering you, they are thinking that they are on top of the world. Guess what? They are not. They never will be. If it takes mean words to make them feel tough and powerful, they are the ones who are half an inch tall. Look at them in a different light. Don’t fear them for their strong words. Picture the coward that they actually are. Because if they were actually somebody who’s opinions mattered, they would be using all their negative energy towards random acts of kindness. They would be more like the person you are now becoming, thanks to them and all the strength that those terrible words have given you.

You are important. You matter to the world. You can make a positive impact on this world. Find a way, make a path and charge on through. The only thing this bully will fear, is the new and powerful YOU.

xoxo,

Stacy

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You Are Amazing

Dear Reader,

You are amazing. 

Yes, you. 

The one on the other side of this screen peaking in.  You’re amazing in many ways. 

How do I know? 

I just do.  

I catch myself at times comparing my talents to others.  I compare anything from writing, to my job, to parenting, to being a wife, etc.  Sometimes, I put myself on a level that is so far beneath my peers, it hurts my neck to look up at them.  I’m not sure why I do this, but it’s something I’ve always done.  Lately, I have been realizing more and more that I don’t have to do this.  I can be just as good as the next person.  Degree, no degree, stay at home mom or working, I’m not beneath anybody.  I’m me, I have talent and some of those talents are quite amazing.

That’s how I know you (YES, YOU!) are amazing too.  When everyone takes the hand of the person next to them and shows them just how wonderful they are, the world will be a better place.  When we can look at the person across from us and only look at them on a complete and total level, not up, not down, the world will be a better place. 

You can do a great job at that office that you’ve been too afraid to apply to. 

You can do a great job at your daughter’s next PTA meeting. 

You can write a wonderful blog and help thousands of people find a smile.

Yes, you.  You can do anything that you want to do.  There’s no mountain too tall for somebody like you.

For somebody as amazing as you.

xoxo,

Stacy

Don’t Lose Your Smile :)

 

 

 

I’m surrounded by some amazing people.  Friends, family, online friends, some co-workers.  One thing they all have in common lately is:

They have all lost their smile.

Maybe it’s the winter blues going around.  Maybe it’s the holiday season being packed away for another year.  Maybe it’s the cold, the snow, the urge to have a nice summer tan.  It could be many different reasons, but it’s time to start flashing that smile again.

I am guilty of it too.  Once in a while, I find myself having a “woe is me” day.  Luckily, I snap out of it pretty quickly.  We all need to look around and find things that make us happy.  Maybe the diamond-like shine of the snow on the trees.  Maybe the hot cup of coffee we take for granted every morning.  Maybe the miracles we see every time we look at our children. 

Just smile.

We have so much all around us to smile about.  Like it’s sung in a Train song, we’re “on a spinning ball in the middle of space!”  How cool is that!? 

If you feel like you don’t have much to smile about, find something!  Go grab the brightest shade of nail polish.  Pick up a sports magazine.  Do a little craft that you find on www.pinterest.com (my new favorite site).  Find things to smile about!

We can all be negative and miserable.  It’s so easy.  All we have to do is flip on the news.   Don’t be that person that has to broadcast it.  It’s easy to find fault in people and pick them apart, but the more you concentrate on the negative, the less you are going to be happy.

Find the good and shine! 

Look to the sun, feel the warmth, look at the beautiful trees, look at your children, listen to them laugh, blast your favorite CD, do a craft, go snowmobiling, take some photos, play a video game, exercise, etc, etc, etc!

Show that beautiful smile to the world!  Like a yawn, they are contagious! 😉

xoxo,

Stacy

Post-Divorce – Become Friends With Your Ex

If you are going through the start of a divorce right now, you are probably wondering, “What is this woman thinking!?”  Divorce is painful, hurtful, and while you are going through it, you vow to never speak nicely to your ex again.

But, I promise, in most situations, it does get better.  (NOTE:  This is coming from a person who went through the mother of all divorces, no lie).

I have posted before about how rough my divorce was.  We hated each other.  We didn’t even like each other before the divorce, let alone during and for a short-time after.  But, after almost 4 years and a lot of letting things go, I have learned to be a better person.  Not only for the sake of nerves and stomach ulcers, but for the sake of my beautiful daughter.

If I spend the rest of my daughters childhood hating her Dad, what is that going to teach her?  If I speak poorly of him in front of her, how is that going to make her feel?  Instead, I grew up.  I did a lot of growing.  I find the good.  Do he and I always agree, HECK NO!  We still bicker and get on each other’s nerves, but we can try to work things out for her sake. 

No child needs to grow up in a home where a lot of fighting happens.  Divorced children do not need to grow up in homes where constant parental bashing happens.  Let them grow up in peace. 

Don’t let your child feel jaded before they even start their lives!

Last night, my daughter and I made a diaper cake for her Dad and his fiance’s baby shower.  She is going to feel so proud walking into that shower with something she made for her new baby brother.  I don’t even want to imagine me trying to pull her away from the situation.  My other two children, ages 2 and 3, even helped roll up some of the diapers.  My daughter is and was so excited.  Just because her new sibling isn’t any relation to me, it’s her brother.  I am so excited and happy for her.  And she knows that.

Maybe they didn’t do that for me when I had my two children after the divorce, but it’s ok.  I feel great about myself and I feel great about the example I set. 

Never follow the lead of anybody else.  Make your own path.  In all aspects of life, even divorce. 

Children watch us.  They learn from us.  Never forget that!

“Let your past make you better, not bitter.”  ~ Unknown

xoxo,

Stacy

Where Can I Buy Some Christmas Elves?

So much to do! So little time left! I finished all of my shopping in November. Well, most of my shopping. Now, it’s time to wrap.

And wrap…

And wrap…

But, when?

I work 40 hours a week, like most people. I pick up the kids, fix dinner, and give baths. We also have basketball, dance, games and school functions. When they go to bed, I am close to being ready for bed.

So, where can I find me some Christmas Elves?

Wouldn’t that be great?!

They could magically wrap and tag everything. Maybe they could even do some last minute shopping for me?

They could bake all kinds of goodies and have them all boxed and jarred for Christmas.

All of this would be done while I work and do household chores. The tree would get decorated and Christmas music would play as we opened the door each night.

Ok. Enough day dreaming.

Santa will never give out a Christmas elf, so time to deal with it.

If anybody runs into me the week before Christmas, you don’t have to inform me on how I look. My eyes will be bloodshot with a hint of dark circles.
I’ll probably snap if you ask if I slept the night before. Carpal-tunnel will set in from the tape, scissors and wrap motion. Paper cuts will take over my hands. Hair won’t be done, and clothes probably won’t match.

But, all of the 30 people I wrap for will get neat, pretty package to open on Christmas day. And it will all be over in 39 seconds.

But, it will all get done. And, I may even try to smile in the process. Pft, who needs an elf? Not a super parent!

If you see me passed out on the couch on Christmas Day, let me sleep. Maybe Santa can bring me a “Do Not Disturb” sign to hang on me somewhere! Or a blanket with those words! That’d be perfect!

Maybe I don’t need an elf after all. Just a 5-hour energy drink and a nap on Christmas Day. And maybe one the next few days after. 😉

Xoxo,

Stacy

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“Merry Christmas Fatty!” (Learn What Not to Say Before Going Out In Public).

 

When I was 14 years old I had an eating disorder.  Somebody had called me fat and I decided I needed to be super skinny like some of my friends.  I got down to less than 100 lbs.  Let me tell you why I will never do this to myself again.  And let me tell you why you shouldn’t either.

I was born with curves.  I have had a big booty since I was a child.  It’s me.  It’s who I am.  It must be genetic.  For a long time I hated my curves.  I thought skinny was the way everybody should look.  Society taught me that skinny was beautiful.  Guys only liked the skinny girls.  You couldn’t be beautiful unless you were a size 2, etc.  It was so unhealthy to have felt these things.  But, as a young adult, you can’t help it. 

As a grown woman, I think society can kiss my voluptuous arse.

Today, one of our outspoken, obnoxious clients said to me, “You can’t be the same girl, my God you have gotten FAT!”  A) Who says this?  B) This is why you are old and still single, and C) Learn the Golden Rule:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

That little rule is the reason I never speak to this client.  My Mother taught me young and for that I am thankful.  She also taught me to love myself no matter what I look like.  I didn’t a long time ago, but I do now.  I’m teaching my children to do the same.

I cried for a bit after he left.  It was already a bad day, but when somebody calls you the “F” word, it hurts.  I know it’s said behind my back, but when you hear it, it hurts.  Words hurt.  Sticks and stones can break my bones, but I think words can hurt a lot worse. 

I was sad, but I will not let him get to me.  I will never starve myself again, instead, I embrace myself.  Yes, I have gained two sizes since my last child.  But, I had a child.  I have 3 beautiful children.  If I could choose to go back in time, keep my skinny girl figure and never have children, I wouldn’t.  I couldn’t.  They are my world and they are worth every lump, bump, flesh, scar and chub on my body.

Curvy, fat, thick, wide, call me what you want.  I love myself.  I know who I am on the inside.  I’m a loving, caring, devoted mother of 3 who is in love with my amazing Fiance & children who love ME for ME.  Not for what I gain or lose.  That’s all that matters. 

No matter what you go through, no matter whose negative words you hear, no matter how bad the bullies get, you choose to love yourself.  Words hurt, but you have the ability to control how you feel.  Own who you are.  Gay, straight, skinny, fat, glasses, freckles, etc.  Do not let a bully control your life.  It gets better.  You learn from past mistakes.  Some day the bully may grow up.  Then again, they may never grow up (like the 70 year old man that said that to me today).  But, you have the ability to own who you are and make everyone else in the world see how important and incredibly amazing you are. 

No matter what flaws they find in you, own them all.  Own it.  Love it.  Embrace it.  And once you do that, everyone will desire it.

xoxo,

Stacy

 

All This Mommy Wants For Christmas

Christmas Night 2010 🙂

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is one day or even just one morning of peace and quiet.  I love my children.  I love their crazy little ways.  But, out of 365 days in a year, I am just asking for one day, at home with silence.  Golden, beautiful silence.

Santa, This is my Christmas list.

No screaming, no diapers, no climbing into the tub fully clothed.

No getting into mommy’s make up, no hiding sippy cups in the cat box.

No Fireman Sam episodes twenty-five times in a row.

No throwing cereal at each other, no “mommy, I forgot my homework” calls from school.

No yelling into the bathroom, just in time to see mommy poke herself in the eye with mascara.

No hitting mommy’s arm to tattle, causing mommy to butcher her bangs.

No running down 3 flights of stairs just to forget a backpack, a hat or even a shoe. 

No putting hair clips on the cat’s tail.

No hiding mommy’s hairbrush or cell phone.

No waking up with Pop Tarts stuck in the kid’s hair.

I’m really not asking for much Santa.  Knowing me, I will probably miss all of these things if I do get this wish.  I love my morning with my kiddos.  They are always exciting and entertaining. 

But, can we just try it out?  Just once?

Just one day for me to feel pretty.  Perfect curls, a little bit of makeup, un-stained clothing.  That’s all.

Thank you Santa.  I’ll be sure to leave out some milk and cookies.  I can’t promise they will all be there when you arrive.  Mommy’s get hungry too. 🙂

xoxo,

Stacy

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