Forgive.


Colossians 3:12-14

Therefore, As God’s chosen people, Holy and dearly loved,

Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

I was adopted at only a day old. As the story goes, my birth mother and my mom who raised me knew each other as kids. One day, my mom went for a walk, running into my birth mother. My birth mom was clearly pregnant and had two other little ones with her. They began talking and my birth mother asked my mom to adopt me. She couldn’t take care of me. So, my parents started the adoption process.

I knew my entire life that I was adopted. My parents told me the stories about how excited they were to have me. They took me home from the hospital. Mom, Dad, my brother and sister put a few names in a hat and that’s how they decided on Stacy. I heard these stories over and over again growing up. But, the only thing missing was, who is my birth mom and why did she not want me? For legal reasons, my parents told me that they could not tell me anything until I was at least 20. So, I spent many years wondering.  

I can’t really explain the years of never feeling as though I fit in anywhere. There was something different about me, as compared to my siblings. I felt like no matter where I went, I stuck out. From a child to my adult years, I never felt as though I deserved to be in the presence of anybody else. I was so angry at my birth mother. Maybe if she had kept me, I would have felt as though I belonged. Words cannot begin to describe how grateful I was and still am to my parents. It wasn’t them at all. It was just that missing puzzle piece. I could never forgive her for giving me up.

I was able to meet my birth mother briefly when I was 19. It was awkward and uncomfortable. I was angry. I didn’t understand. I was young. I didn’t truly know God.

Fast forward 33 years later, I found myself and my family here at a church. For the first time in my life, I picked up the Bible. I never understood forgiveness and what Jesus did for us until I started learning about it here. I never thought I could forgive my birth mother, until I started coming here.  

It’s been about 5 months since I reached out to my birth mom again. We’ve reconnected. I let go of any bitter feelings I had held onto over the years. I’m learning that we share many similarities in our personalities. I’ve learned that I am loved and always have been. My children are getting to know her now. It’s been one of the greatest things that could have happened to me.

Not only has forgiveness allowed me to let go of hurt and pain, it’s allowed me to show my children the power that forgiveness has. I realized that it wasn’t only my birth mom I was punishing by being so angry, I was punishing myself. You finally realize how much not forgiving somebody holds you back from life. When you decide to let it all go and give it all to the Lord, you free yourself. For the first time in my life, I actually feel like I’m alive and I am starting to feel like I belong.  

Xoxo,

Stacy 🙂 
 

 

 

 

Mommy Adventures –Things I Have Learned After 3 Kiddos

Let the nurses help you after giving birth!  Don’t be stubborn!  Let them have the baby, it’s their job and you know he/she is in the best care.  Enjoy your sleep!  Lord knows, you won’t get any sleep for a while!  

Lose the bottle BEFORE 12 months!  I learned the hard way with my daughter, it took forever to drop that habit.  However, it taught me to get my boys off of it asap!  By 10 months, both had their sippy cups.  Yes, you’ll have 2-3 rough nights, but let me tell you, it will be worth it!  It will also save you a ton on dental work for them. 

Don’t rush the firsts!   I wanted to have my daughter be the kid that took her steps before the others, or the kid who spoke first.  Don’t rush it!  They will take their steps when they are ready!  Enjoy the time while they just kind of sit there!  It won’t last forever!  Same with potty training, it won’t be the end of the world if they are not fully potty trained by 2 or 3!  He/She will not be graduating high school in diapers.  Just take your time, don’t get frustrated.  Practice, but have patience.  It will happen! 

Pacifiers aren’t a necessity.  Bumbo seats are!  Now, not everyone agrees with the pacifier thing.  Some people think they are great for their children’s teeth.  That could be true, but none of my 3 had one and so far, so good.  I did try to give one to my daughter because I think they look adorable, but she hated it!   One of my pet peeves is seeing a 3 or 4-year-old that still has one.  I personally don’t think that is necessary, but you know what is said about opinions!  Now for the Bumbo!  This thing is genius.  You can sit your infant in it and it gives them needed strength and exercise.  It’s also great for family photos!  One of my son’s had Infant Torticollis.  It means “twisted neck.”  His neck would stay to one side.  The Bumbo helped him balance his head and work those muscles.  He outgrew it and I thank the Bumbo for helping with that! 

The stink eye is unavoidable.  Just let it roll!  Your child is going to have tantrums.  It happens.  No matter what we say, our children are not always perfect little angels.  And those who pretend to have perfect angels are either lying or bracing for the teen years.  You will go into a store, your child will scream and some lady or man at the end of the aisle will give you the stink eye. DON’T LET THIS BOTHER YOU!  This still gets to me and if there was one thing I wish I could have learned sooner, it would be to ignore it!   Maybe they are judging you.  Maybe they just like your hair or your shoes?  Maybe, just maybe, your kid is so darn cute they are in shock and just react by giving a stink eye.  Don’t worry about it!

It’s ok to get dirty!  Let them play in mud and kick around some dirt once in a while!  They are kids!  Bathe them of course, but just let them get dirty.  It’s good for them!  Now, when it’s family portrait or time to go visiting on a holiday, maybe keep them away from the mud puddles.   After the photos are done, go jump in the puddles with them!  😉 

You know the school bully isn’t the end of the world, they don’t. Pretend it is.  As grown ups, we know that the little 6-year-old playground bully that mattered back then doesn’t matter now.  To our children though, this is their world.  This was the biggest thing that happened to them.  Show you care.  By blowing them off and telling them it’s stupid, it’s going to hurt their little feelings.  Teach them to be tough, but at the same time, be delicate.  

Don’t force them to be somebody they are not.   I loved softball.  I just loved it.  And I love the Red Sox.  Needless to say, I couldn’t wait to have children that would love it also!  Well, t-ball sign ups came around and my daughter just was not feeling it.  She wanted to continue with her dance.  So far, my 3-year-old isn’t so much into baseball either.  Of course there is plenty of time, but I won’t force them to play.  Doing that would probably end up with a few black eyes from lack of paying attention. 

 SAY CHEESE!  I am a photo queen.  I have to take photos of everything.  Some people can file the memories away, but I want my children to have photos of them doing silly things together.  It’s just important to me and I am sure it will be to them as well when they get older.  It’s still fun to compare photos of myself as a child to them.  I don’t have enough and really wish I had more.  I go a little picture crazy, sure, but it will be worth it when my husband and I are old, wrinkly and rocking in our chairs.  We will be missing our babies.  Pictures may help fill the void.  😉 

Time flies.  People will tell you how fast it goes and you start to brush off those words after the 100th time.  However, it does.  It flies by.  My “baby” girl is already 7. Just like that, 7 years went by and she started 2nd grade.  It’s amazing.  My boys are already 3 and almost 2.  They were just newborns!  I will cry like a baby when they start school like their big sister.  

Like my parents say, their “baby” girl is already 28 with 3 kids of her own. 😉 

Xoxo,

Stacy

The Clique Moms

 

It’s almost back to school time for my little girl. Time for 2nd grade homework, new teachers and seeing friends from last year.  It’s also now  time for me  to once again encounter the:  “Clique Moms” (insert scary DA DAA DAAA music here).

You know the kind. The Moms who will only speak to other Moms of their kind. Either only other stay at home Moms or went to the same daycare Moms. Or the kind who spot the so-called wealthy from a mile away and flock to them. However, my personal favorite would be the Moms who only will communicate with the Dad’s.  Really?

I remember the first time dealing with this when my 7-year-old went to pre-school.  Even though it was only 3 years ago, I wasn’t as tough about it then.  I took it offensively.  What’s wrong with me?  Why don’t they want to speak to me too?  I just didn’t get it.  I wanted to wear a mask or something to hide from them.  (Not really, but hopefully you know what I mean).  It was just really awkward and uncomfortable and I had only lived through situations like this back in the middle/high school days. 

I am not the clique type. I hold back from eye-ball rolling every time I see it happening.  Saturday mornings at dance it’s like walking into my high school cafeteria all over again. A group on one bench and a group on the other. It’s like living through that sad “seats taken” scene on Forest Gump.

I was able to stay away from clique situations in school.  Kept to myself, had a small group of friends and was nice to everyone.  I was labeled as snobby at first, but once people got to know me they soon realized I was just the shy type.   Anyway, I just never understood the whole “I can only talk to certain people” attitude.  I never thought that I would encounter it again.  Let alone, with other Moms of all people. 

I guess the great thing about clique moms is that I really don’t have to deal with them often.  5 minutes dropping my daughter off at school, or 45 minutes of dance class, it’s really no big deal.  Uncomfortable at first?  Yes, of course.  But, I don’t have to even pay attention.  I’ll still smile and genuinely say hi. 

I’ll also teach my kids to reach out to everyone.  They will know not to just play with certain kids.  They will learn young that when they see that shy, quiet kid in the corner, he/she may want to make a new friend.  Maybe they are afraid to reach out?  Maybe it will take somebody like them to start a new trend?  Instead of cliques, how about they all learn to play nice together?  It will only take a few to start the trend.  Maybe their friends will do the same and then who knows?   Maybe their clique Moms will learn how to do that too?

Maybe… 🙂

xoxo,

Stacy

Jumping on the blogwagon…

I’ve been wanting to start a blog for a while now, but never knew where to start.  Not only that, but my 3 children and my full time job take up most of my time.  I still want a place to share my thoughts, all my random thoughts, with people like me.  I’m just a working mom of 3 who loves many things and have been through all kinds of obstacles. 

I’ll write about many different topics.  I was adopted, I have been divorced, I have found love again, I love sports, music, I had scoliosis surgery, 3 c-sections and a whole lot of drama (which I hate if it’s about me.  If it’s on tv, I likely watch every episode).  Oh and I LOVE social media.  I feel more comfortable behind the computer than in front of a room full of people.

So, follow me if you would like to learn a little bit of how things are in my world. 🙂   Maybe we can learn a thing or two from each other?

xoxo Stacy ♥