Debbie Downer Come Down From Your Pedestal.

Debbie Downer sits up high on her pedestal.  She can see above everyone.  She can see every mistake you make.  Anything you do is a mistake in her eyes.  Anything you dream is wrong.  Anything you hope for will never happen.  She knows everything, she does everything better than you can do.  She knows you will never go anywhere.  

She knows she is so much better than you.

If you have a child out-of-wedlock, you are automatically a loser.  If you didn’t go to college, you’re even more of a loser.  If you work beside her, you don’t do half as much work as she does.  If you are her neighbor, your life is dysfunctional.  If you are her friend, her opinions are the only ones that matters.  If you are her children, if you don’t do things her way, you will go nowhere in life. 

Wait, there’s more.

If you give up a child for adoption, you are a loser with no values.  If you are adopted, you aren’t a “real” member of your family.  If you file bankruptcy, you are cheap and could have paid your bills. If you collect from the State, you are a moron with no real ailment.  If you have State Insurance, it’s unfair that she has to pay for your bills.  If you’re wealthy, you probably had everything handed to you.  If your marriage fails, you have no class.  If you don’t bring in a lot of money, you must be on welfare.  Another loser.

Debbie Downer can make you feel like you are only an inch tall.  She talks and talks and talks until your heart starts to hurt.  You see, Debbie Downer does not care who she hurts with her words.  She doesn’t think before she speaks.  She has such a narrow mind, any idea that you throw out there is intercepted by her negative thoughts.  She cannot open her mind.  By not having an open mind, Debbie Downer is a very miserable person.

I feel sorry for her.

Debbie Downer could never have a heart filled with love.  She could never wish somebody luck without thinking something negative right in her next breath.  She really needs to realize that everyone around her does not look up to Debbie Downer. 

They look away from her.

It’s hard to talk to somebody who only believes in their opinions. 

 Why would your children come to you and talk about great news if you are only going to point out the bad?  They just want to be loved.

People who want their children to have a better life give them up for adoption.  That’s love.

People who are adopted grow up with their family.  That’s it.  Just their family.  Not their real or fake family.  Family is love.

Friends who may have job opportunities don’t want somebody to tell them all the reasons they won’t be hired.  They want to know all the qualities you love about them.  They want to know why they WILL be hired. 

Debbie Downer, please come back down from that pedestal.  Come back to reality.  Maybe after you accept us all for who we are, even if you don’t believe in our thoughts and opinions, maybe you will find some more positivity and love in your heart.

Who wouldn’t want to feel more love?  The only thing negativity does is bring you down and it brings down everybody around you.

Debbie Downer, love and be loved back.  You’ll love, love.  I promise.

xoxo,

Stacy

 

Why Does Mommy Keep Putting Boys In Her Belly?!

Our boy. Big sister set up this photo shoot.

My beautiful little princess was my only baby for her first almost 4 years of life. When she found out that she was going to be a big sister, she dreamed of having a little sister. She wanted to dress her in pink, have tea parties, and just do all the girly things that little 4-year-olds dream of.

After my ultrasound, I discovered we were not going to have a little girl. I was so excited. I love baseball, NASCAR, wrestling (don’t judge) and football! My fiance was thrilled also. But, my little princess was kind of bummed. Once she met her new brother though, she was so happy! This was good.

A year later we were going to have another baby. This time, she WOULD have a baby sister! She told me she would. She was determined.

She wrote a letter to Santa, she even said a few prayers. The day finally came for our ultrasound! We all piled into the room, we were all pretty anxious. Especially big sister to be.

“What do you want honey? A brother or a sister?” The nurse asked.

“A sister for sure!” My little one was overly excited.

“Ok, lets see what we can do!” The nurse winked at me.

“Is it a girl!?!” She was almost falling out of her seat.

“It’s a boy!” The nurse was trying to sell it to her.

Silence.

“WHY DOES MOMMY KEEP PUTTING BOYS IN HER BELLY?!”

I had to think quick.

“So you don’t have to share a room sweetie!”

“I don’t?”

“No! The boys will have to share a room because we only have a 3 bedroom. You get to keep your room to yourself!”

“Wow, ok Mommy!”

This was good. I think we did it. We avoided having to answer the “why do you put boys only in your belly” question. For now anyway!

My Fiance has a little girl too, almost the same age as mine.  She also has 3 little brothers!  Sadly, she lives far away from us.  Needless to say, when she does visit, the girls have a blast together!

Meanwhile, when it’s just the boys and my daughter, she has gotten used to not sharing her Barbies and especially not sharing her room. I have caught her dressing her brothers in pink dresses and wigs on occasion.  I remind her that they are boys!  All of these pictures that I have to take of them in the dresses, will come back to haunt them.  Especially when I put them in their high school yearbooks. She thinks it’s great!

Her Daddy met somebody a few years ago, so we were holding out hope that maybe someday, they would be able to give her a baby sister. We just found out that they are expecting soon!

And guess what? It’s a boy!

xoxo,

Stacy

Mommy, Are You Hiding Candy From Me!?

Halloween candy.  The kiddos work so hard to get their buckets full of all kinds of candy.  So, when what I am about to tell you happened, I felt incredibly guilty.

But, it was so worth it.

It was about 10pm, hubby-to-be and I were rummaging through all the candy buckets.  We were actually trying to remove all peanut butter, peanut, soy, tree nut infested candies.  We didn’t want our 2-year-old, who is allergic to EVERYTHING, to accidentally get ahold of one of those.  Rather than tossing them away, we decided not to waste any. 😉  He tossed me a package of peanut M&Ms.  It was late, so it was safe to indulge.  Or at least I thought it was.

I tore open the package.  All of a sudden, he appeared.

“Mommmmmmmma!”

It was like he was a ghost in a movie.  He seriously just appeared out of nowhere!  He was JUST sleeping!

“Momma, do you have our candy?!”

All of a sudden, I was a child again.  I hid the candy under my blanket and quickly answered him.

“No!  I don’t have any candy!  You need to get back to bed!”

“Momma, I know I just heard candy.  I know I did.  Can I have the candy now?”

“Back to bed.  Candy after supper tomorrow night.”

“But, you and Daddy are having candy!”

“Back to bed!”

He went back to bed.  I went back to my candy.  I continued hiding it under the blanket, just in case another child came out to catch me in the act.  I had to eat it quickly and I had to be sneaky. 

The next morning on the way to school, I had thought my 3-year-old would have forgotten about this incident.  Sadly, he did not. 

“Momma, it is not nice to eat our trick-or-treat candy!  Momma, it’s just not nice!”

“I’m sorry Aiden.”

“Really Momma?  Really?!  You ate our candy!” 

Yup, for once my 7-year-old was paying attention to the conversation.  Although, I should have known her ears would be in tune when candy was involved. 

Next year, all the peanut candy gets taken to work with us.  At least then, we won’t have to hide to eat it. 😉

xoxo,

Stacy

I’m Not You – But, I Am The Best Me That I Know How To Be.

 

I may not be a gourmet chef, but my kids say I make the meanest meatloaf around.

I may not be able to jump into a new career on a whim, but I am pretty darn good at the job I do.

I may not be the skinniest of all the moms in the world, but I know how to rock the curves I have.

I may not be an award-winning writer, but I love reading comments from those I have helped by blogging.

I may not be the best at socializing, but when we do become friends, I’ll have your back for life.

I may not be able to sing very well, but I’ll have you crying from laughing when you see me bust a move.

I may not be a trophy wife, but I’ll love my man as much as I did when we met, until death do us part.

I may not be able to stay home with my babies, but I work with all I have to give them the best there is out there.

I may not have been able to breast feed for more than a few months, but I made sure I did for as long as I could.

I may not be able to keep up with the Jones’s, but sometimes you would never know thanks to the bargain hunting I do.

I may not have a super, spotless house, but my kids and I have so much fun playing each and every night.

You are the best YOU that you can be.  And I happen to be the best ME that I know how to be.   

Always remember, what works for you, may not work for everyone.  Accept everyone for who they are.  Not for who you want them to be.

xoxo,

Stacy

No Kids For The Night! Um, Now What?

It doesn’t happen often, but once in a great while my parents will keep ALL 3 of our kiddos for a night.  Usually we go away for the weekend, but this year it was different.  It all happened last-minute.  When everything was sorted out, we had a Saturday afternoon and night to ourselves.

We had no idea what to do.

It’s so easy with the kids home.  We can go home, play games, go to Chuck E Cheese, go apple picking, color, etc.  But, time for just us?  No diapers for a night?  We were actually lost. 

So, after about 20 minutes of, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”  We ventured off to the city for dinner.   We went to a buffet and it was a beautiful thing.  We ate our food and it stayed hot.  We held hands, sat a table for 2 and took our time.

We missed the kids.  It was too peaceful!

We were right next to the mall, so hand in hand, we went mall walking.  We went into 2 stores.  That’s it!  Nothing interested us!  We walked out with nothing, but full bellies.  That only killed 30 minutes. 

Now what?

We went into a few more stores, ranted about rude people who don’t say thank you when you hold the door open for them and then headed back to town.  It was 6pm and we were contemplating going home and getting into our jammies, or even going to pick the kids up.

We decided to reach out to a few friends that we hadn’t seen in a while.  They were home!  Yippee!  Adult interaction! 

We were so excited!

Between the 4 of us, we couldnt’ think of anything to do.  So, we went to the grocery store, grabbed some pizza and headed back to their place for a few hours.  Just sitting there and gabbing with grown ups was so refreshing! 

Still though, we missed the kids!  The next morning, we were both so excited to have them back.  It’s amazing how much your life changes when you have children.  Nights out on the town mean something completely different now.  Life has meaning.  It’s a beautiful thing. 

Once in a while, my Fiance and I need a night for just us.  But, for the most part, I will take Candyland over Poker any day now.  I wouldn’t change it for the world. 

xoxo,

Stacy

A Mother’s Job Lasts Longer Than 18 Years

When I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I was nervous, but insanely thrilled.  I was going to be a Mommy.  I was young, 21, but I was so excited.  I knew that from this point on, I was always going to be a Mommy.  That’s a lot to take in, but I was up for the challenge.

Not everyone feels this way though.  I have heard over and over, from many people, that once their babies are 18, they are on their own.  Of course, I will push for my children to be independent.  I’ll try my best to lead them in the right direction and to make the right choices.  I’ll hope they choose college and then from there, go on to incredible lives, careers and families.

But, if they fall, I’ll still be their Mommy.

When you have children, you don’t just have them 0-18.  You have them for life.  If they need help, you need to be there for them.  Tough love at times, of course.  But, if they need you, it should be your responsibility to help them get back on their feet. 

Having a baby is a vow.  It’s a vow to be there forever.  If they can’t move out right away after school, give them some room to become established.  Teach them about life. 

Don’t be a selfish parent. 

Situations happen and things can get difficult.  My children are young, but I do have friends that have had some difficult times with their older children.  I hope and pray that doesn’t happen, but if it does I will pray for strength.  I want to be there for my children forever.  Not just temporary.

Of course, I can understand when parents are excited to retire and see the world.  Excited to experience the empty next and they should be!  But, at the same time, don’t forget about your babies.

I was on my own and married at 19-20.  I was that child that fell.  I was divorced with a child by 25.  I had no place to go.   Well, no place, but home.  My parents were there.  They have always been there.  They devoted their lives to myself and my brother and sister.  I thank the lord every night that they were not selfish parents.  They watch my children every day while my Fiance and I work.  I don’t say it enough, but I am incredibly grateful.

My Grandmother is almost 87.  She talks to my Mom everyday.  She’s always there for her.  Maybe that’s where my parents get it from?  Regardless, I am so happy I was nurtured and taught to nurture my own children.  I hope that my children will see me there for them forever, just like I see my parents are for me.  Hopefully they will pass that love on to their own children.

“A  mother’s work is never done.”

  ~Author Unknown

xoxo,

Stacy

No Cookies For Breakfast? Worst Mommy EVER!

You would have thought somebody just lost a puppy.  Or even a limb for that matter. 

“Mommy, why can’t I have a cookie for breakfast?  WHY?”

“It’s 7:30 in the morning.  You are going to have a good breakfast before you go to school!”

“But!”

“No, but.  No cookies!”

“Hmph.” 

Stomp, stomp, stomp.

The pouting had begun.

My daughter is normally not like this.  She does have a tendency to test myself and my Fiance after she gets back from her Dad’s.  I am sure she does the same at his house.  This was just one of those mornings.

Explaining to a 7-year old that cookies for breakfast may result in belly aches at school, doesn’t make much sense to her.  In her eyes, “I had cookies after supper last night and I didn’t get a bellyache!”

I can’t help, but feel bad.  I don’t like to see my children upset, ever.  Does that mean I will cave in and feed them cookies before school?  Of course not.  I still do not like seeing my kiddos upset in any way, shape or form.

With 20 minutes left to get to school, I think of how to change the subject.  She will be staying at her Dad’s tonight.  The last thing I want is to be terrible for not feeding her cookies all night and all tomorrow until I see her after school

How can we fix this?

“Ok sweet pea, stop the pouting.”

“I’m not pouting.”

Arms folded.

Yes you are.  Sneakers, teeth.  Then lets hit the road.”

“Ok.”

I finished getting myself ready for work, as well as my 2-year-old.  We then ventured off to school.  Still, a little pouty looking, I turned up the radio.  One of her favorite songs was on.

A little smile appeared.

“Ok pumpkin.  Who’s going to have a great day today?”

“It’s already not very good.”

“Forget about the cookie.  Who is going to have a great day?”

“I will.” 

“Who?”

“I WILL!” 

She was now starting to smile.

“Who does mommy love to pieces?”

“Me and the boys.”

“That’s right.  To the moon, stars, sun and back again!”

“That’s a lot of love momma.”

“Sure is!  Now here is your backpack.  You have a special dessert with lunch today.”

“Is it a cookie?”

“Sure is.”

“You’re the best momma!  I Love you!”

Trying morning, but I was very happy to be back to the cool mom list.   And I didn’t even have to feed her cookies for breakfast to be on it.

Imagine that. 😉

xoxo,

Stacy

When They Are All Grown Up, Will Those Dirty Dishes Matter?

We opted for the fair this weekend, rather than the dishes.

I work 40 hours a week, my Fiance puts in 40 hours plus a week.  By the time we get home at night, it’s close to 5:30-6:00pm.  I see the laundry that needs to be put away.  I see the dirty dishes from the night before.  But, most importantly, I see my 3 babies that I haven’t seen all day.

We play games.  We may do a craft.  My daughter is in 2nd grade, so we will do her homework and read.  We do bath time, family supper time (we are one of those odd families that eat all together, we pick a few kids shows to watch, and then by 8:30 it’s bed time.

I admit, I get a little overwhelmed looking around at the household chores we neglected to do.  We may do a little bit to ease our minds, but majority will sit there until our free weekend day.  Thankfully we are not talking about an episode of Hoarders, just clothes, toys and all that good stuff.

Some people don’t do it this way.  Some people are able to clean up and stay home with the kids.  We choose to spend our time with our children first.  They have their chores.  They know what responsibilities are.  But, really, with only really 2-3 hours to spend with them each night, can the dishes wait?

We think they can.

You don’t have to agree.  You don’t have to like it.  But, when our babies are all grown up and moved away, we will have all the time in the world to tidy up each day.

xoxo,

Stacy

I Still Believe In Santa – I’ll Probably Never Stop

My babies with Santa. My oldest loved it. My youngest wasn't so sure. My middle child wouldn't even be within 500 ft.

Some feel it’s a little early to be thinking about the holidays.  They think about the stores, the lines, trying to get it all done, and most of all, the stress the season can bring.  Myself on the other hand?  Oh, I start counting down the day after Christmas. 

I know what you are probably thinking by reading the title of this post:  How can a grown up still believe in Santa?   Christmas was always the best holiday in my house growing up.  My Mom still loves it.  The house was always decorated.  We made our rounds to 4 or 5 relatives homes.  It was the greatest day ever.  I want my kids to believe in the spirit and in order to do that, I still need to believe.

I think many of us get carried away in the hustle and bustle of the shopping and getting everything ready.   We get so lost in the stress, we forget about the magic.  Step back and look around.  Look at the beautiful lights that come that one time a year.  Look at the beauty of the snow fall.  It’s magical if you take the time to see it.  If you can, try to imagine what you felt as a child.  Wouldn’t you love to have the feeling again?  Why even lose it?  Why not feel that way forever?

I want my kids to feel my excitement.  I want it to rub off on them so they never lose the joy.  I never want them to feel like The Grinch.  I want them to be joyous, happy and excited. 

I believe in the magic of the holidays.  I believe in going to bed, excited for the next day to arrive.  I believe in being excited to see the people you love, carefully open the gifts you buy them.  I believe in baking cookies and leaving reindeer food out on Christmas Eve. I believe in the reason we have this holiday. 

And, I believe in Santa.

81 days left until the big day.  Better start believing! 🙂

xoxo,

Stacy

Everything Happens For A Reason… I Think.

I took this picture in the summer. 🙂 Perfect.

 

We had our hearts set on a house.  It was perfect for us.  Perfect amount of bedrooms, perfect amount of land.  It used to belong to my Great-Grandparents.  My Gram grew up there, my Mom was always there as a kid.  This would have been so great to raise our family in.  We set up a showing and then boom:  The sellers took it off the market.  Needless to say, we were pretty disappointed.  No.  We were incredibly sad, frustrated, heartbroken AND pretty disappointed.  My Mom always told me, “everything happens for a reason.”  But, does it?

All kinds of misfortunes happen to everyone, but how can we be so sure that things do really happen for a reason?  Is that the case, or do some of us just have terrible luck? 

Examples of some things I have had trouble understanding in life:

Why didn’t we get that house?  Why was I born with Scoliosis?  Why did all the boys I was in “love” with as a teenager go away?  Why did I get married and divorced at a young age?  Why was I adopted?

When all of those things happened, I didn’t understand why.  But, now I do.

Another house will come our way.  I taught somebody about Scoliosis who didn’t even know it existed.  Her daughter was diagnosed thanks to an extra spine exam.   I didn’t know what love was as a teenager.  If I had settled, I would have never known what a soul mate was like I have now.   If I had never known my ex-husband, I would have never had my daughter.  If I had never taken the path that I took, I wouldn’t have my boys and my fiance.  As far as being adopted goes, I wouldn’t be even close to where I am now in life.

Maybe things do happen for a reason? 🙂

I choose to believe in the everything DOES happen for a reason theory.  If I just say it’s bad luck all the time, my children may grow to feel the same way.  I want them to grow up having hope.  I never want them to stop striving for something better, just because one fall gets them down.  I’ve said it over and over and I will say it again, our children watch us.  They mimic every move we make.  If we raise them with our own superstitions and poor attitudes, they are likely to have the same attitude as a grown up.  Who wants MORE negative people in the world?  We need to raise our kids to stay positive and never give up.

We need to teach them that even though something doesn’t turn out the way we wanted or expected, there is a reason behind it.

Everything happens for a reason.  This, I know. 🙂

xoxo,

Stacy

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