Writer’s Cramp!

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It has been a REALLY long time since my last post.  It’s also been a REALLY long time since any of my journals have been scribbled in.  Since my last post, I started a new job.  My almost 2-year-old job.  Yes, it’s been a while.

I had been posting frequently about dealing with negative people, staying positive, finding time with my kiddos, etc.  I always find it easier to write when dealing with negative emotions.  My new job has made me so incredibly happy.  Words cannot even describe how wonderful it has been.  My family is wonderful and I am enjoying each and every day.  I have tried and tried to write something meaningful, my mind has just been blank.  Hence the writer’s cramp.

My husband (yes, husband!  We finally tied the note in fall of 2012) has recently started a blog about his other love (aside from the kids and I), cigars.  That being a completely different subject matter for me, as I have never smoked a thing in my life, has still inspired me to put the pen to paper again (Or the fingers to keyboard)? 

I almost had a chance to have a book published.  One of my posts about divorce was sent to Harlequin Publishing.  All I need to do is finish it all and put it into a book format.  Just a layout will do.  But, I can’t.  I just cannot visit the negativity of it all.  It’s so far behind me, book deal or not, I’m not ready to go there.  Maybe I will be someday, but for now it can remain stored in the memory of that very sad and emotional time period.  I’m happy.  Genuinely happy and if even for a few hours a day, I don’t want to feel the hurt.  Does that even make sense?

All of this being said, I do want to start writing on here again.  I thoroughly enjoy journaling online, reading what others post and communicating with all of you.  I’ve realized recently (thanks to my hubby♥) that I can write about all that I enjoy too.  Maybe what’s on my mind won’t be book worthy, but it will be me worthy (as corny as that sounds).  I’m back to doing something I love, I love to write.  I love helping people and expressing my thoughts through my pen.    

As I am typing this little writer’s cramp post, I’m thinking about so many things I want to say.  I’m on a new, healthy road to becoming a better version of myself.  I want to write about the recipes I have tried and the weight loss I have recently experienced.  I want to write about  feeling like being back to pre-pregnancy weight is reachable for all of us moms.  Because it is. 

I want to write about not giving up on your dreams.  If you feel like you are at a dead-end job, you’re not!  I was at my last job for 8 1/2 years and found the job of my dreams after all that time!  It’s possible, attainable and you can do it.

I want to write about loss.  Though it is incredibly hard to lose the ones we love or have loved, we can learn something from it.  We can find faith to keep moving forward.  We can find strength to keep their memory alive.  Not only through our own words, but by passing their name and stories onto anyone who will listen.

I want to write about family.  How incredibly important our families are.  Our children see everything we do.  If they see us give up on our dreams, writer’s cramp or not, what will they learn?  Go back to school at 40, go for that big promotion that you don’t feel like you can get, get in shape, do whatever you need to do.  Our children are watching us and all we need to do is take the right step in teaching them about life.  We don’t have to be a doctor, lawyer, politician or genius.  We just need to be a loving parent.  That’s all.

So much more is stirring around this brain right now, but I will save it.  My long spell of writer’s block is over.  And I am so incredibly happy the words are flowing again.  ♥

“The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is you really want to say.”  ~Mark Twain

xoxo

Stacy ♥

     

 

 

Stay Positive

Stay Positive

Words to remember! Courtesy of Pinterest.   Follow me there, my boards are under momand3kiddos.  🙂 Happy Monday!

xoxo,

Stacy

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A Holiday Grudge – Forgive or Forget?

It’s the season for being cheery.  Lights, snowmen, gifts, parties, and families, it’s a time when everyone gets together to celebrate the season. 

It’s also time to hide from unwanted confrontations.

What should you do if you haven’t spoken to a family member in a very long time?  What if they have done something to hurt you over the last year?  Do you let it go and arrive with a fake holiday smile, or do you pass the gathering by, maybe even breaking tradition?

Personally, I have a really hard time being fake.  Actually, I cannot be fake.  For me, I would most likely be sitting in a corner somewhere, watching the children open their gifts.  I would be avoiding any person that has set me off in the last year.  I am not one to hold grudges, I can forgive and forget very quickly.  Only when many things build up and build up do I start to pull away.

It takes a lot to make me angry.  Once I get to that point though, it is very hard for me to let things go.  I just can’t be fake.

I don’t want to break tradition, but I don’t want to go some place and be uncomfortable.  I don’t want to disappoint my children, but I also don’t want them to witness any bickering, God forbid that would even occur.  I really hate confrontation.

So, this is my Christmas dilemma.  Do I burn the bridge or do I mend it? 

xoxo,

Stacy

“Merry Christmas Fatty!” (Learn What Not to Say Before Going Out In Public).

 

When I was 14 years old I had an eating disorder.  Somebody had called me fat and I decided I needed to be super skinny like some of my friends.  I got down to less than 100 lbs.  Let me tell you why I will never do this to myself again.  And let me tell you why you shouldn’t either.

I was born with curves.  I have had a big booty since I was a child.  It’s me.  It’s who I am.  It must be genetic.  For a long time I hated my curves.  I thought skinny was the way everybody should look.  Society taught me that skinny was beautiful.  Guys only liked the skinny girls.  You couldn’t be beautiful unless you were a size 2, etc.  It was so unhealthy to have felt these things.  But, as a young adult, you can’t help it. 

As a grown woman, I think society can kiss my voluptuous arse.

Today, one of our outspoken, obnoxious clients said to me, “You can’t be the same girl, my God you have gotten FAT!”  A) Who says this?  B) This is why you are old and still single, and C) Learn the Golden Rule:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

That little rule is the reason I never speak to this client.  My Mother taught me young and for that I am thankful.  She also taught me to love myself no matter what I look like.  I didn’t a long time ago, but I do now.  I’m teaching my children to do the same.

I cried for a bit after he left.  It was already a bad day, but when somebody calls you the “F” word, it hurts.  I know it’s said behind my back, but when you hear it, it hurts.  Words hurt.  Sticks and stones can break my bones, but I think words can hurt a lot worse. 

I was sad, but I will not let him get to me.  I will never starve myself again, instead, I embrace myself.  Yes, I have gained two sizes since my last child.  But, I had a child.  I have 3 beautiful children.  If I could choose to go back in time, keep my skinny girl figure and never have children, I wouldn’t.  I couldn’t.  They are my world and they are worth every lump, bump, flesh, scar and chub on my body.

Curvy, fat, thick, wide, call me what you want.  I love myself.  I know who I am on the inside.  I’m a loving, caring, devoted mother of 3 who is in love with my amazing Fiance & children who love ME for ME.  Not for what I gain or lose.  That’s all that matters. 

No matter what you go through, no matter whose negative words you hear, no matter how bad the bullies get, you choose to love yourself.  Words hurt, but you have the ability to control how you feel.  Own who you are.  Gay, straight, skinny, fat, glasses, freckles, etc.  Do not let a bully control your life.  It gets better.  You learn from past mistakes.  Some day the bully may grow up.  Then again, they may never grow up (like the 70 year old man that said that to me today).  But, you have the ability to own who you are and make everyone else in the world see how important and incredibly amazing you are. 

No matter what flaws they find in you, own them all.  Own it.  Love it.  Embrace it.  And once you do that, everyone will desire it.

xoxo,

Stacy

 

The Misery Trap

Sometimes you find yourself surrounded by negativity.  Constant negativity – Constant misery.  You try so hard to fight through this, using your positivity as your shield.  Then, suddenly:

BAM!

You’ve been captured by the misery trap.

Misery hunters often act in the same way as animal hunters, although animal hunters usually hunt as a fun hobby.  Not misery hunters.  They lay out their bait to try to capture their prey.  They feed off of your misery.  This is not for fun.  This is only because misery loves company.

No matter what you do, misery hunters always have something negative to say.  It could be the happiest day of the year, but they would find something to complain about.  You could offer to do things for them, but they would find reasons to complain about what you did.  You don’t do anything right.  They have to do everything because that is the only way it will get done correctly!  It’s a lose-lose situation folks!

YOU

JUST

CAN’T

WIN.

You can’t fight with a martyr.

It’s hard not getting stuck in this misery.  It acts just like quicksand.  You can conquer it though.  Trust me.  It can be done.  When they start going on the misery rampage, block your ears (not literally, but you know what I mean.  Block your ears and then smile and nod. 

Smile and nod.

That’s it.  When they see that they are not getting to you, it’s going to do 1 of 2 things. 

1) It will irritate them and make them even more miserable.  You will hear the mutter and grumbling even louder than before.  They aren’t getting to you and it is going to drive them crazy.

OR

2) They may catch your positivity.  Even if it’s for a split second, your burst of positivity may act like a net being thrown over that misery.  

Either way, just let it roll.   Let it roll right off your shoulders.  Try and fight back as hard as you can.  Don’t sink to their level and fight in a negative manner.  Fight ’em with your positivity.

Smile and nod.

xoxo,

Stacy

 

Debbie Downer Come Down From Your Pedestal.

Debbie Downer sits up high on her pedestal.  She can see above everyone.  She can see every mistake you make.  Anything you do is a mistake in her eyes.  Anything you dream is wrong.  Anything you hope for will never happen.  She knows everything, she does everything better than you can do.  She knows you will never go anywhere.  

She knows she is so much better than you.

If you have a child out-of-wedlock, you are automatically a loser.  If you didn’t go to college, you’re even more of a loser.  If you work beside her, you don’t do half as much work as she does.  If you are her neighbor, your life is dysfunctional.  If you are her friend, her opinions are the only ones that matters.  If you are her children, if you don’t do things her way, you will go nowhere in life. 

Wait, there’s more.

If you give up a child for adoption, you are a loser with no values.  If you are adopted, you aren’t a “real” member of your family.  If you file bankruptcy, you are cheap and could have paid your bills. If you collect from the State, you are a moron with no real ailment.  If you have State Insurance, it’s unfair that she has to pay for your bills.  If you’re wealthy, you probably had everything handed to you.  If your marriage fails, you have no class.  If you don’t bring in a lot of money, you must be on welfare.  Another loser.

Debbie Downer can make you feel like you are only an inch tall.  She talks and talks and talks until your heart starts to hurt.  You see, Debbie Downer does not care who she hurts with her words.  She doesn’t think before she speaks.  She has such a narrow mind, any idea that you throw out there is intercepted by her negative thoughts.  She cannot open her mind.  By not having an open mind, Debbie Downer is a very miserable person.

I feel sorry for her.

Debbie Downer could never have a heart filled with love.  She could never wish somebody luck without thinking something negative right in her next breath.  She really needs to realize that everyone around her does not look up to Debbie Downer. 

They look away from her.

It’s hard to talk to somebody who only believes in their opinions. 

 Why would your children come to you and talk about great news if you are only going to point out the bad?  They just want to be loved.

People who want their children to have a better life give them up for adoption.  That’s love.

People who are adopted grow up with their family.  That’s it.  Just their family.  Not their real or fake family.  Family is love.

Friends who may have job opportunities don’t want somebody to tell them all the reasons they won’t be hired.  They want to know all the qualities you love about them.  They want to know why they WILL be hired. 

Debbie Downer, please come back down from that pedestal.  Come back to reality.  Maybe after you accept us all for who we are, even if you don’t believe in our thoughts and opinions, maybe you will find some more positivity and love in your heart.

Who wouldn’t want to feel more love?  The only thing negativity does is bring you down and it brings down everybody around you.

Debbie Downer, love and be loved back.  You’ll love, love.  I promise.

xoxo,

Stacy

 

I’m Not Overweight, I’m Undertall.

Senior picture. Ahh, remember when...

Dieting.  Gag, blah, ugh, grr, argh.  That basically describes how I feel about it.  It is the most  difficult thing I do to myself.   Some people are blessed with the ability to not even have to worry about it.  I on the other hand am not.  I embrace my curves, but when I start finding curves in all the wrong places, it’s time straighten them back out.

I used to be so tiny.  That was before my first kiddo.   I did the whole “I can eat everything, I’m pregnant!”  Yeah, I lied to myself.  I doubled my size.  I worked out and somebody (no names) bought me NutriSystem for my birthday.  I did ok on it, but never got down to my size 4-5 again. 

After I had my son, I was stressed out due to a long divorce.  I was really sick with him also.  The hospital gave me penicillin (I’m allergic) and I lost way too much blood for my own good.  I dropped a ton of weight.  So, technically I lost all my babyweight, but it really wasn’t the healthy way.  I didn’t like the way I looked at all.  I was pale, too thin, just not right.  I had to get myself at a healthy weight again, but we (mostly I) decided I wanted another baby. 

My third baby came along and so did the birth of my love handles.  I looked fine while pregnant, but after giving birth I gained my baby weight (I know, that doesn’t make sense, but it totally happened.)  Now, I struggle. 

If I would have been born another 3 or 4 inches taller, I would be the perfect weight.  I’d be a hot momma.  But, I am vertically challenged.  Like my Dad told me, “I’m not overweight, I’m undertall!”  Totally true.

Vanity isn’t the most important thing to me.  Of course I want to look nice, but I also don’t want to be stickly.  I want to be healthy for my children, my Fiance and myself.  We forget about all of that greasy food clogging our veins.  It starts building up early in life.  I can’t stand the dirty dishes in my sink having food stuck to them.  The last thing I want is for something disgusting to clog my arteries.  So, I am determined to get in shape.  It may take me a few  months.  It’ll likely take me a year, but I will do this. 

I can do this. 

I do just have to ask myself why I am choosing to do this before Thanksgiving.  Terrible timing.  But, better now than when I am in the dressing room, under fluorescent lighting, trying on bathing suits next summer.  There’s some more motivation to get it done now. 😉

xoxo,

Stacy

Why Does Mommy Keep Putting Boys In Her Belly?!

Our boy. Big sister set up this photo shoot.

My beautiful little princess was my only baby for her first almost 4 years of life. When she found out that she was going to be a big sister, she dreamed of having a little sister. She wanted to dress her in pink, have tea parties, and just do all the girly things that little 4-year-olds dream of.

After my ultrasound, I discovered we were not going to have a little girl. I was so excited. I love baseball, NASCAR, wrestling (don’t judge) and football! My fiance was thrilled also. But, my little princess was kind of bummed. Once she met her new brother though, she was so happy! This was good.

A year later we were going to have another baby. This time, she WOULD have a baby sister! She told me she would. She was determined.

She wrote a letter to Santa, she even said a few prayers. The day finally came for our ultrasound! We all piled into the room, we were all pretty anxious. Especially big sister to be.

“What do you want honey? A brother or a sister?” The nurse asked.

“A sister for sure!” My little one was overly excited.

“Ok, lets see what we can do!” The nurse winked at me.

“Is it a girl!?!” She was almost falling out of her seat.

“It’s a boy!” The nurse was trying to sell it to her.

Silence.

“WHY DOES MOMMY KEEP PUTTING BOYS IN HER BELLY?!”

I had to think quick.

“So you don’t have to share a room sweetie!”

“I don’t?”

“No! The boys will have to share a room because we only have a 3 bedroom. You get to keep your room to yourself!”

“Wow, ok Mommy!”

This was good. I think we did it. We avoided having to answer the “why do you put boys only in your belly” question. For now anyway!

My Fiance has a little girl too, almost the same age as mine.  She also has 3 little brothers!  Sadly, she lives far away from us.  Needless to say, when she does visit, the girls have a blast together!

Meanwhile, when it’s just the boys and my daughter, she has gotten used to not sharing her Barbies and especially not sharing her room. I have caught her dressing her brothers in pink dresses and wigs on occasion.  I remind her that they are boys!  All of these pictures that I have to take of them in the dresses, will come back to haunt them.  Especially when I put them in their high school yearbooks. She thinks it’s great!

Her Daddy met somebody a few years ago, so we were holding out hope that maybe someday, they would be able to give her a baby sister. We just found out that they are expecting soon!

And guess what? It’s a boy!

xoxo,

Stacy

I’m Not You – But, I Am The Best Me That I Know How To Be.

 

I may not be a gourmet chef, but my kids say I make the meanest meatloaf around.

I may not be able to jump into a new career on a whim, but I am pretty darn good at the job I do.

I may not be the skinniest of all the moms in the world, but I know how to rock the curves I have.

I may not be an award-winning writer, but I love reading comments from those I have helped by blogging.

I may not be the best at socializing, but when we do become friends, I’ll have your back for life.

I may not be able to sing very well, but I’ll have you crying from laughing when you see me bust a move.

I may not be a trophy wife, but I’ll love my man as much as I did when we met, until death do us part.

I may not be able to stay home with my babies, but I work with all I have to give them the best there is out there.

I may not have been able to breast feed for more than a few months, but I made sure I did for as long as I could.

I may not be able to keep up with the Jones’s, but sometimes you would never know thanks to the bargain hunting I do.

I may not have a super, spotless house, but my kids and I have so much fun playing each and every night.

You are the best YOU that you can be.  And I happen to be the best ME that I know how to be.   

Always remember, what works for you, may not work for everyone.  Accept everyone for who they are.  Not for who you want them to be.

xoxo,

Stacy

I’m Allowed To Be Angry

I’ve developed a reputation of being incredibly optimistic.  I get overly excited for silly things, like decorating for the holidays, Black Friday or even Daylight savings.  I am there for people all the time who have a bad day.  I love lifting up spirits and making someone’s day.  I like my children to see a positive me, so hopefully they grow up seeing the glass half full.

However, I am allowed angry days too. 

I get mad.  I get my feelings hurt.  Sometimes, I cannot just brush things off and move on.  Sometimes I hold grudges.  I shouldn’t, but like any other human, I do it too.  Sometimes, I don’t want to deal with issues I have with family members, such as leaving me out of everything.  Sometimes, I cannot just smile and nod.  Sometimes, I can be stubborn.  People that witness these days hide from me.  What do you do when the one that’s positive all the time suddenly feels like being grumpy for a day?

Generally the peacemaker, when it’s me feeling these feelings and not wanting to attend family functions, I feel so much guilt.  Although I have many reasons to feel the way I do, I still feel like I am obligated to suck it up and attend.  The past year or so, I just cannot do it anymore.  I cannot pretend to be content with situations, when I really am not.

Did having 3 kids make me suddenly want to stand up for myself?  I don’t know.  Was it going through a divorce and developing a brand new attitude?  I don’t know that either.  I just know that for the first time in my life, I am allowing myself to feel and show the emotions that I have been hiding for years and years.  It feels pretty damn good too.

So, I am sure by the time the family functions that I am trying so hard to avoid get here, I will have probably decided to attend.  Just because that’s me.  But, I won’t just smile and nod anymore.  I will stand up for myself.  I will not let people walk on me anymore.  I will just be the me that I want everybody to see.  Even my angry side.

I can still be my happy-go-lucky, countdown to Christmas self, just with an occassional bad day.  And it will be ok.  It will be ok, because I am human too. Hey, maybe it will even allow one person to step up and be the positive one for a change? 😉

xoxo,

Stacy

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