Christmas Birthdays Are A Rip Off

I love this season.  Love the Christmas music, the shopping, the lights, I just love everything about this holiday.

There is one thing I hate about it though:

My birthday.

Nobody wants to go out on Christmas Eve or the day after Christmas to celebrate a birthday.  Everybody is ALWAYS busy.  And if they are not busy, I get re-gifted gifts, gifts wrapped in Christmas paper and/or a gift that they saved from Christmas.

It’s a rip off.

I’m older now, so it doesn’t bother me as much anymore.  I don’t even want a gift, but it would be nice to be able to go out and celebrate it once in a while.

As I look back, I must have gotten totally ripped off as a kid.  I bet I would have gotten double the presents had my birthday fallen in the summer months.  My Mom & Dad  did a great job with my birthday though.   They always managed to get my close friends there.  They never wrapped presents from them in wrapping paper, and I really don’t think they gave me a left over Christmas present.  They did good.

But, still Christmas Birthdays are a rip off.

I haven’t even mentioned the fact that you just blink and the whole season is gone.  Christmas flies by and my birthday goes with it!  Most others can look forward to a fun party in a different month, but nope, not me.

Until now.

I’ve decided I am changing my birthday.  That’s right folks, I am now going to celebrate my HALF birthday in the summer time!  No Christmas paper will be there on a hot day, that I can guarantee!

I’ve got it all figured out!

Unless, of course , somebody decides that my birthday theme should be Christmas in July.  😉

xoxo,

Stacy

Yo Momma!

It’s funny how each year of grade school, a new problem surfaces.  We had the Kindergarten napping stage.   First grade, it was the nose picker’s class.  Second grade, we had a little bit of bullying which caused some anxiety issues.   

Now, for the third grade issue, you may need to brace yourself.   The topic may be sensitive for some.  Our third grade issue is none other than:

Wait for it…

Yo Momma jokes.

Yes.  You read that correctly. 

Yo Momma’s so fat when she wears a yellow rain coat people yell, “taxi!”

Yes.  Yo Momma jokes caused my third grader to cry. She’s never known such a terrible game.  Nobody talks about her Momma that way!

After I was done trying not to laugh, I had to explain to her how long these jokes have been around.  I told her not to take these things so literally.  Her momma may have a big booty, but when a boy says, “Yo Momma’s so fat she has to use two busses for her rollerblades” he is just telling a joke.  He wants to make her laugh.

“Ohhhh, I think I understand now,” she said.  “Like, ‘Yo Momma’s so fat when she goes to the zoo, the elephants throw her peanuts!’ But, that doesn’t really happen!?”  Giggle, giggle.

“Yes, honey.  I think you are getting the hang of this.”

“Like, ‘Yo Momma’s so fat, when she wears lipstick she uses a paint roller!’  Right, Mom?” As the giggles become even louder.

“Ok, no more Yo Momma jokes.  Now you know to just laugh and not get so upset, right?”

“Ok Momma.  I want to learn a whole bunch of Yo Momma jokes now!”

“I know you do, honey.”

So that was the big, third grade dilemma this morning. 

I can’t hardly wait to see what fourth grade is going to bring! 

P.S.  My personal favorite has always been, “Yo Momma’s so ugly, every time she walks by a toilet it flushes itself!”  But, please do not tell my third grader the Yo Momma Uglies exist!  I think the fat jokes are enough for now. 😉

Xoxo,

Stacy

The Organizing Domino Effect

Wait.. Which way was I going again?

I am not one for resolutions to start off a new year, but I will say this:  I need to get organized and I need to get organized bad!

I have a problem though.  I will start off doing great, organizing all my kiddos photos and then I will see a toy that’s not where it should be.  So, I will return the toy to the correct child’s room.  Oh o, dirty laundry still on the floor.  I’ll pick up the laundry, check everyone else’s rooms for laundry and start a load to be washed.  Oh shoot, silly cat needs to be fed.  I feed the cat and notice somebody didn’t do their chore of cleaning the little guys cat box today.  I will do that and then bag up trash.  Oh my goodness, look at those dishes!  I’ll let some soak, get a few done.  “Momma, I’m hungry!”  Ok, I’ll get the kiddos a snack and then will sit on the couch for a minute.

Wait, what was I doing to begin with?

No matter how hard I try to concentrate on just doing one thing, I get so easily distracted.  I start off so strong with one project and then start another and another and another.  Every time I try, I cannot get it all done!

It’s like an organizing domino effect!

Not to mention, the only time I really have to do these things is from about 6pm after work until bedtime.  The weekends are somewhat useful, but who wants to clean on a day off?  I would rather be building a snow man with the kids!  And I have to go to basketball games, dance, etc.

Momma needs to concentrate.  And find a way to add another 48 hours to the week.  In my dreams I have a magic wand.  Aren’t all dreams supposed to come true?

Any pointers to cure my attention span would be fabulous.  As for now, I will continue to run around in circles, organizing 1/2 of a project at a time.  😉 

xoxo,

Stacy

Where Can I Buy Some Christmas Elves?

So much to do! So little time left! I finished all of my shopping in November. Well, most of my shopping. Now, it’s time to wrap.

And wrap…

And wrap…

But, when?

I work 40 hours a week, like most people. I pick up the kids, fix dinner, and give baths. We also have basketball, dance, games and school functions. When they go to bed, I am close to being ready for bed.

So, where can I find me some Christmas Elves?

Wouldn’t that be great?!

They could magically wrap and tag everything. Maybe they could even do some last minute shopping for me?

They could bake all kinds of goodies and have them all boxed and jarred for Christmas.

All of this would be done while I work and do household chores. The tree would get decorated and Christmas music would play as we opened the door each night.

Ok. Enough day dreaming.

Santa will never give out a Christmas elf, so time to deal with it.

If anybody runs into me the week before Christmas, you don’t have to inform me on how I look. My eyes will be bloodshot with a hint of dark circles.
I’ll probably snap if you ask if I slept the night before. Carpal-tunnel will set in from the tape, scissors and wrap motion. Paper cuts will take over my hands. Hair won’t be done, and clothes probably won’t match.

But, all of the 30 people I wrap for will get neat, pretty package to open on Christmas day. And it will all be over in 39 seconds.

But, it will all get done. And, I may even try to smile in the process. Pft, who needs an elf? Not a super parent!

If you see me passed out on the couch on Christmas Day, let me sleep. Maybe Santa can bring me a “Do Not Disturb” sign to hang on me somewhere! Or a blanket with those words! That’d be perfect!

Maybe I don’t need an elf after all. Just a 5-hour energy drink and a nap on Christmas Day. And maybe one the next few days after. 😉

Xoxo,

Stacy

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My 12 Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, 
my true love gave to me 
A flamingo in a palm tree.. 

On the second day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Two Ninja Turtles, 
And a flamingo in a palm tree. 

On the third day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Three French fries, 
Two Ninja Turtles, 
And a flamingo in a palm tree. 

On the fourth day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Four Hybrid cars, 
Three French fries, 
Two Ninja Turtles, 
And a flamingo in a palm tree. 

On the fifth day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Five Golden Retrievers, 
Four Hybrid Cars, 
Three French fries, 
Two Ninja Turtles, 
And a flamingo in a palm tree. 

On the sixth day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
$Six Mil just sayin’, 
Five golden retrievers, 
Four Hybrid Cars, 
Three French fries, 
Two Ninja Turtles, 
And a flamingo in a palm tree. 

On the seventh day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Seven pounds of slimming, 
$Six Mil just sayin, 
Five Golden Retrievers, 
Four Hybrid Cars, 
Three French fries, 
Two Ninja Turtles, 
And a flamingo in a palm tree. 

On the eighth day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Eight maids a cleaning, 
Seven pounds of slimming, 
$Six Mil just sayin, 
Five Golden Retrievers, 
Four Hybrid Cars, 
Three French fries, 
Two Ninja Turtles, 
And a flamingo in a palm tree. 

On the ninth day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Nine Wii Just dancing, 
Eight maids a-cleaning, 
Seven pounds of slimming, 
$Six Mil just sayin, 
Five Golden Retrievers, 
Four Hybrid Cars, 
Three French fries, 
Two Ninja Turtles, 
And a flamingo in a palm tree. . 

On the tenth day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Ten Johnny Depps on tv, 
Nine Wii Just dancing, 
Eight maids a-cleaning, 
Seven pounds of slimming, 
$Six Mil just sayin, 
Five Golden Retrievers, 
Four Hybrid Cars, 
Three French fries, 
Two Ninja Turtles, 
And a flamingo in a palm tree. 

On the eleventh day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Eleven cupcakes with piping, 
Ten Johnny Depps on tv, 
Nine Wii Just dancing, 
Eight maids a-cleaning, 
Seven pounds of slimming, 
$Six Mil just sayin, 
Five Golden Retrievers, 
Four Hybrid Cars, 
Three French fries, 
Two Ninja Turtles, 
And a flamingo in a palm tree

On the twelfth day of Christmas, 
my true love sent to me 
Twelve weeks of summer, 
Eleven cupcakes with piping, 
Ten Johnny Depps on tv, 
Nine Wii Just dancing, 
Eight maids a-cleaning, 
Seven pounds of slimming, 
$Six Mil just sayin, 
Five Golden Retrievers, 
Four Hybrid Cars, 
Three French fries, 
Two Ninja Turtles, 
And a flamingo in a palm tree.

*Please note, I was a little bored and killing time the last 20 minutes of work. 😉

xoxo,

Stacy

All This Mommy Wants For Christmas

Christmas Night 2010 🙂

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is one day or even just one morning of peace and quiet.  I love my children.  I love their crazy little ways.  But, out of 365 days in a year, I am just asking for one day, at home with silence.  Golden, beautiful silence.

Santa, This is my Christmas list.

No screaming, no diapers, no climbing into the tub fully clothed.

No getting into mommy’s make up, no hiding sippy cups in the cat box.

No Fireman Sam episodes twenty-five times in a row.

No throwing cereal at each other, no “mommy, I forgot my homework” calls from school.

No yelling into the bathroom, just in time to see mommy poke herself in the eye with mascara.

No hitting mommy’s arm to tattle, causing mommy to butcher her bangs.

No running down 3 flights of stairs just to forget a backpack, a hat or even a shoe. 

No putting hair clips on the cat’s tail.

No hiding mommy’s hairbrush or cell phone.

No waking up with Pop Tarts stuck in the kid’s hair.

I’m really not asking for much Santa.  Knowing me, I will probably miss all of these things if I do get this wish.  I love my morning with my kiddos.  They are always exciting and entertaining. 

But, can we just try it out?  Just once?

Just one day for me to feel pretty.  Perfect curls, a little bit of makeup, un-stained clothing.  That’s all.

Thank you Santa.  I’ll be sure to leave out some milk and cookies.  I can’t promise they will all be there when you arrive.  Mommy’s get hungry too. 🙂

xoxo,

Stacy

Stretch Pants & Tums – I Love Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving. 

A time to be thankful for everything we have in life.   A time for friends and families to get together.  Memories are made and traditions are started. 

Thanksgiving.

A time where you force yourself to eat until you cannot move off of the couch. 

On Thanksgiving in our family, we know better than to wear our fitted jeans.  We don’t break out the Spanx and tight dresses.  No way.  Instead, it’s a time for stretch pants.

Lucky for us, stretch pants don’t look like they used to back in the day.  We don’t have to rely on sweatpants or “M.C. Hammer pants” anymore.  Now we have the more festive stretch pants.  We can pair a nice holiday, loose fitted sweater with leggings.  Or we can buy into the new “Pajama Jeans” fad.  Nobody will ever know the difference. 

Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce and pie.  Bring it all on. 

I have been eating soup for 3 weeks preparing for this day. 

 I won’t be wearing a belt.  Spanx are put away.  Stretch pants are going to be my friend.  I’m not even going to feel guilty. 

That is until Thursday night when I am in a turkey coma. 

But, I will be preparing to be out for 12 hours on Black Friday.  I will be fighting off other shoppers and running from one end of the store to another.  On Black Friday I will burn all of my Thanksgiving calories.  I’ll change back into normal clothing.  I’ll start eating my soup and Special K.

I love Thanksgiving. (And Pajama Jeans too.) 😉

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

xoxo,

Stacy

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